Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 128

She muttered a suspicious piece of evidence to herself, then fell into confusion. She clearly had no time to worry about an outsider. I was the only one who realized the truth. Go Yohan’s father had assigned the rank of second priority to all his children. There was no first priority. And that vacant position would never be filled.

“Then is it Go Yoseb? …No, it can’t be him.”

I quietly watched Gorosa sink into a swamp of thought, then gathered my bag and left the room. This time, no footsteps followed me. She seemed to be in shock. As I went down the stairs, I shook my head at their father’s cruelty.

Liar. Saying he loved his children.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

I flinched. The voice whispering in my ear was familiar yet strange. The muscles near my ear trembled. I hastily pulled my body away from the large warmth beside me. It was Go Yohan, of course.

“Ah, sorry…”

His long eyelashes drooped downwards. His eyes, when they met mine, shone with anxiety. And then he poured out a waterfall of words, as if making excuses. His eyes, stripped bare and vulnerable, spoke honestly. He was craving affection, wanting to be loved. Begging not to be hated.

At that look, I felt something in my chest crumble. Why on earth is Go Yohan doing this to me?

“They said I can be discharged after this graft surgery. The, the progress is good… I’ll have to come for treatment sometimes, but it’s not long-term hospitalization level. So… I can go… home…”

His deeply sunken, gloomy eyes glanced at me, then dropped to the floor when our eyes met.

At the same time, I also fell to the floor. Why did he say that today, of all days? I lifted my feet from under the sofa and placed them on top of it. I sat with my knees drawn up, lost in thought.

Of course, what needed to be said was already decided. I had merely covered up all the answers that had accumulated until now.

“Your house, I mean.”

“Our house?”

“It’s crazy.”

“…”

“I’ve never seen a crazy family like yours. Are all religious families like that?”

Or… A sudden hypothesis flashed through my mind.

“Maybe your father believes in religion because he’s done too many bad things and fears sin.”

But the hypothesis quickly crumbled. That person was not someone who would fear his own sins. Rather, he was someone who would step on his sins and erase even their traces.

“You know, in my opinion, you resemble your father the most. Your looks, your build, your voice, even your way of speaking are similar. You even resemble him in lying. Your father is quite the liar too.”

“…I don’t.”

“Then don’t grow up to be like your father.”

Only after the answer was settled did I feel like I understood why Go Yohan’s parents had kept me close to Go Yohan. Of course, it might be my misconception and self-deception. But I decided to think that way.

“Don’t stay in a house like that. When you’re discharged… come into the dorms. There’s still some time left in the period.”

“…Huh?”

“Since you’ll probably be cut from dorm admission based on income bracket in the second semester, you’ll probably live alone then.”

I moved my toes.

Why did Go Yohan save me then, of all times? The first illness I worried about at eighteen felt like a small memory compared to how Go Yohan had become an incurable disease in my life. Did Go Yohan perhaps want something like this? Could even this situation be a lie? Were we all playing in a staged play?

Suddenly, my eyes met Go Yohan’s. His thin, gloomy eyes brightened as soon as they met mine, then flushed and avoided my gaze. I read the only truth. What remained in the end were Go Yohan’s wounds and his three unmoving fingers.

Of all things, I liked Go Yohan’s long, slender fingers.

Why, of all things, fingers?

“…If you promise not to have ulterior motives for me now, I’ll lend you my place.”

What a contradictory thing to say. I know that too. Han Taesan, who always irritated me, said it. Even if Kang Jun says things like that, he still ends up doing good deeds. Regardless of his intentions. However, now I have an excuse. It was the brown scar spread across Go Yohan’s back. Just as Go Yohan couldn’t look into my eyes, I dared not look at Go Yohan’s back.

“Jun-ah.”

“Hmm?”

“Then, is believing allowed?”

A choked voice slowly approached. I pretended not to, but I listened intently.

“What on earth does that mean?”

“I won’t like you.”

At that moment, my heart plummeted to the floor. My stomach twisted, and my solar plexus tightened. I almost asked without realizing it. Why won’t you like me? As I uttered those words, I knew what I was about to say. My hidden true feelings burst out like that.

Kang Jun is truly a hopeless idiot.

I clenched my fist and endured. Yes, this would be better. For you and for me.

“Instead, I’ll believe you.”

But Go Yohan said something strange. In a voice tangled with pitiful and joyful emotions, like a believer who had received a revelation from God. Was there any other way to describe Go Yohan at that moment? Even though I didn’t understand Go Yohan’s words, I didn’t pull away the hand he held or run away. My heart, which had been constricting painfully, was now pierced with agony.

“I’m an atheist now. Honestly, you’re more helpful in my life than that bastard in the sky.”

“D-don’t talk nonsense.”

Come to think of it, this bastard.

“You always blaspheme religion.”

“Ah, no. I used to be such a devout believer.”

“Then what was that you just said?”

Go Yohan frantically waved his hands. Why did he need to be so desperate? His tone, trying to convince me, was on the verge of tears. He might cry right away if I didn’t believe him. As I was flustered and speechless, Go Yohan seemed to make up his mind and suddenly got off the sofa and knelt.

“Then I’ll show you.”

“Hey, hey. What are you doing?”

A large hand grabbed my foot. Because of my position on the sofa, I slid down and barely perched on the edge, my toes dangling in the air due to my grabbed ankle.

Then Go Yohan saw the scar remaining on the sole of my foot. The mark from stepping on a glass bottle. He frowned at the sight of it. And surprisingly, a lake formed in his gloomy eyes. As I tried to pull my foot away in embarrassment, Go Yohan bowed his head.

“What are you…”

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

Cold fingertips brushed my ankle. My hamstrings ached, and my lower abdomen tingled. What, what is this crazy bastard doing? I tried to pull my foot from Go Yohan’s grip, but I couldn’t exert any force.

Go Yohan looked up at me once, then with a happy expression, like a devotee encountering a sacred object, as if he never for a moment thought it was dirty,

“I see the Lord.”

He kissed my toes.

His thin hair calmly touched my ankle, tickling. His soft lips touched and rubbed against my embarrassed toes.

“D-don’t…”

I covered my face with the back of my hand. Go Yohan’s right hand slowly held my grabbed ankle. At that moment, I stopped trying to escape from Go Yohan.

His unusually weak three fingers held me. A faint strength gently tapped my ankle. Even knowing that the lips of an unholy believer, who blasphemed the Lord daily, were moving up my calf, I couldn’t stop him. Only then did I realize. This terrible incurable disease, the nightmare of eighteen, was still not over.

Epilogue ‘This morning at around 4:30 AM, a large sinkhole, 2 meters wide and 2 meters long, occurred on Taeyeong-ro. As a result, vehicle traffic is completely restricted, and it is expected to disrupt morning commutes. Citizens are expressing anxiety…’

The news from the radio turned off, and trot music with a noisy beat began to play. An old hand turned up the volume. A sinkhole in the middle of the city, on the road? I chewed over the news I had just heard and closed my tired eyes. They should have done the construction properly.

I thinly opened my closed eyes and watched the passing scenery. The old taxi was filled with gaudy decorations. The first thought that came to mind as soon as I got in was that I had gotten into the wrong one. With rosaries, Buddhist prayer beads, and all sorts of Hindu ornaments, the taxi was the epitome of ostentation. I had no choice but to fix my gaze out the window and watch the dawn breaking. I saw the morning sun rising through the gaps in the small buildings.

“Cast off your worries, all together…”

I frowned, listening to the song that was off-beat and off-key. I must have let out a small groan without realizing it. The taxi driver shrugged his shoulders, shifted gears, and spoke.

“You must be tired from coming from the hospital.”

“…Yes.”

“Your parents?”

His worried tone made me uncomfortable. I cleared my throat and adjusted my bag.

“No.”

“Then, a sibling?”

“…No.”

“A relative? No, these days relatives don’t even nurse.”

The ticking sound of the turn signal blared loudly. As he made a small left turn, the sound cut off. The taxi driver, contrary to his appearance, drove well. He smoothly drove through the quiet pre-dawn streets.

“A lover?”

“…”

“Must be a lover.”

His shoulders, moving the steering wheel, lightly shrugged. I tried to look at the driver in the rearview mirror, but all I saw was white hair and strange sunglasses perched on the crown of his head. What did that driver look like? I tried to recall but soon lost interest and leaned deeper into the seat.

“No, just…”

And watching the world turn orange, I finished my sentence.

“A strange kid.”

Our conversation ended there. After that, the driver asked a few more questions, but they were like monologues that didn’t really require answers, so I didn’t bother responding. In the silence, the taxi entered a long tunnel.

My biggest worry these days was Go Yohan. I quietly looked down at the small plastic card in my hand. Every time I saw it, it felt uneasy and heavy, so I turned my head and looked out the car window, where there was nothing to see. My clothes were the same as yesterday. Yesterday, yesterday I just wanted to stay in that hospital room. I spent a quiet time watching Go Yohan, who was still under anesthesia after his second surgery.

Suddenly, when I felt time was moving too slowly, I absentmindedly poked Go Yohan’s fingers.

Fingers that were stuck together and wouldn’t move.

Seeing that there was no big reaction when I poked them, I writhed in agony alone.

The taxi sped through the tunnel and headed outside. The outside, darker than the inside, unfolded before my eyes. Fatigue washed over me, but I didn’t close my eyes. My mind was becoming clearer and clearer. In the distance, I saw the symbol of the school. I took my wallet from my bag.

“…You can drop me off up there.”

“Alright. I’ll drop you off there.”

“…”

He was a truly peculiar-speaking driver.

After getting out of the taxi, I walked towards the dorms, thinking. I need to change clothes and wash up. I should catch some sleep and then go to my 9 AM class.

Grrrroooowl.

My stomach suddenly rumbled.

“…”

Ah, if someone had been next to me, I would have died of embarrassment. Come to think of it, I hadn’t eaten anything all day, watching Go Yohan sleep. I considered just enduring it, then remembered the convenience store nearby.

“Should I buy some ramen…?”

Standing on the quiet street, hesitating, I started walking. I adjusted my bag and headed for the convenience store. Strangely, despite the situation being like this, I was still hungry. Humans are truly instinctive animals. I let out a self-deprecating laugh. I’d probably eat and fall asleep, and the 9 AM class would be long past.

This semester was completely ruined. Nevertheless, my footsteps didn’t stop.

I had no complaints. Go Yohan never asked me to come find him, but I reduced my sleep and gave up on lectures to stay at the hospital. Even knowing the reason, I couldn’t stop my deviation. Sometimes, when I watched Go Yohan sweating profusely during rehabilitation, I would be overcome by an unknown emotion and secretly grab his sleeve or trouser leg. Even while maintaining a blank expression.

There were good things about that life too.

Go Yohan told me. That spicy stir-fried ramen with tuna triangle kimbap tastes really good. I wondered how he knew such things, but then again, it wasn’t strange for it to be Go Yohan who knew.

A strange kid. What word could be more excellent than this to describe Go Yohan?

I smacked my lips, looking at the lit convenience store in the distance.

I was getting hungrier and hungrier. I put the guardian’s pass in my pocket and walked down the dark pre-dawn street. Dawn was breaking more and more.