Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 12

I was always next to Han Junwoo, not in the classroom. Because I was his closest friend. I had never ridden in a car with Go Yohan, so I hadn’t even thought about how we would sit.

So at first, I was wary of Go Yohan. I was afraid of losing the seat closest to Han Junwoo, which now seems truly pathetic. It turned out neither I nor Go Yohan would sit next to Han Junwoo.

As soon as we arrived, I saw the bus in the schoolyard, found our class, and boarded. The five seats at the very back were already occupied by a close group of classmates, who were chatting loudly. Park Dongcheol, who waved at me, hesitated for a moment with his finger, then pointed to Han Junwoo’s seat.

“Kang Jun! There’s a seat here.”

“…Oh, okay.”

It was natural. Han Junwoo’s seat was always next to mine. However, today I hesitated a little and stood next to Han Junwoo. Fortunately, seeing the empty seat, I breathed a sigh of relief. I swallowed hard.

It was originally my seat. I wanted to give in and sit in that seat today, even forgetting that Han Junwoo had hit me because of Han Taesan. Ridiculously, that was the price for the position of “friend” that I had maintained all this time. I fiddled with the top of the chair for a long time, then surveyed the bus interior and asked in a small voice,

“Hey. The seat next to you…”

“This isn’t your seat. You go somewhere else.”

Before I could even finish my sentence, Han Junwoo said that, only looking at the entrance. Following his gaze, I saw Han Taesan walking briskly at the end. I closed my mouth and clenched my fists.

“Okay, then.”

I said it as casually as possible. Even though my heart was already torn to shreds and turned to dust.

I quickly moved away and looked around. And I found an empty seat. It was right in front of where Go Yohan’s group was gathered. Go Yohan was in that seat. Thinking it was good, I quickly walked over, sat in the empty seat, and unilaterally said,

“Hey. Go Yohan. Let’s sit together.”

Go Yohan didn’t answer. Looking closely, he was already asleep. This guy always dozed off like this in the mornings, strangely enough. I looked at Go Yohan, who was sleeping with his head buried in the window and his head bumping against it, with a pathetic gaze, then shoved my wallet between the window and his head and sat down next to him. And I leaned my body into the uncomfortable seat.

Across the aisle, a dark brown head was visible. It was Han Junwoo’s head, taller than his peers. Though I couldn’t see him, Han Taesan was probably sitting next to him. Han Junwoo must have grabbed Han Taesan as he passed by. He must have quickly grabbed and pulled Han Taesan’s arm, who was hesitating.

“…Idiots.”

Han Taesan. I resented Han Taesan again. Why is that idiot so endlessly stupid that he can’t leave Han Junwoo’s side? How long will he live like a fool? How long will he only seek help from others? And how long will I keep helping Han Taesan?

“This is really annoying…”

Would I eventually have to watch the two of them together like idiots? And when I belatedly realized that I was no different from Han Taesan, my eyes stung.

Feeling a little like crying, I hid my face behind Go Yohan’s tilted body and pulled up my unbuttoned uniform top to cover my face. If I did this, everyone would think I was sleeping. Then it would be okay to shed a few tears, right?

Go Yohan’s cold-looking back was surprisingly warm.

It shouldn’t be surprising, but after the PE storage room incident, Han Junwoo overtly began to dislike me. And at the same time, Han Junwoo, who had at least pretended to obey his parents’ words, now unhesitatingly strayed from the path.

Now, the seat next to Han Junwoo was completely Han Taesan’s.

I was brazen at hiding my true feelings, but I wasn’t the kind of person who would stick my neck out without knowing my own shame. At the very least, I didn’t want to become a pathetic weakling. I didn’t have the confidence to talk to Han Junwoo as if nothing had happened.

After that, I began to fall into gloom and ennui. Or sometimes, I would burn with a petty desire for revenge. But in the end, I endured.

Han Junwoo, that bastard who couldn’t control his emotions, envied and resented me like a childish brat. And the reason for that was clearly Han Taesan.

Regardless of his intentions, I hated Han Taesan even more. Even though Han Junwoo was never mine to begin with, not only did he take Han Junwoo away from me, but he also made Han Junwoo hate me. I couldn’t shake the thought that he was a malicious guy.

Even if it wasn’t intentional, it didn’t matter to me. As you know, isn’t that just how human hearts are? This was like an act of finding a substitute to resent so I could steadfastly endure this situation.

However, I had always made rational choices, and I knew very well that Han Taesan was just being swept along by Han Junwoo, so I didn’t express any hostile feelings.

It was also because I was too embarrassed to show jealousy, and I knew that if I got angry at Han Taesan here, I would be the fool. If that happened, Han Junwoo would hate me even more, and the people in the classroom would call me a dirty, disgusting gay bastard.

“…This is the worst.”

I truly hate it terribly. I hate it the most. I hate it so much I want to die. I hate it more than being hated by Han Junwoo.

Then, I suddenly thought of Go Yohan. I don’t know why I thought of Go Yohan, but I roughly attributed it to him being the detestable guy I hung out with the most these days. If such a guy were to know that I harbored such thoughts, what would he say? Perhaps something like this?

‘So Jun was a dirty gay bastard after all?’

The thought of Go Yohan looking at me with a scornful expression flashed through my mind, and I clenched my fists. The terrible imagination almost made me vomit. I absolutely didn’t want him to find out.

Friendships can be quite flimsy at times. When it looked like Han Junwoo and I had fought, our relationship with Han Junwoo’s group naturally became a bit awkward. The funny thing was that Lee Seokhyun, the most isolated among Go Yohan’s group, suddenly approached me yesterday with a trivial topic.

“Kang Jun, Go Yohan was looking for you earlier.”

“Oh? Why?”

“I don’t know, he was just looking for you?”

“…”

It was exactly these kinds of topics. Useless topics with no clear reason. Seeing that, it seemed I now appeared closer to Go Yohan’s group than Han Junwoo’s to others.

Of course, the relationship wasn’t cut off cleanly. Sometimes, during PE or when we coincidentally met on the way to school, we would just greet each other casually. Though that was limited to Park Dongcheol alone.

“Kang Jun! Hi.”

“…Hi.”

I remembered Park Dongcheol’s subtle remark during an awkward greeting.

‘Han Junwoo, he’s been acting weird lately. The way he treats Han Taesan. Isn’t it a bit creepy?’

At that time, I made an unpleasant expression. Perhaps he took that as agreement, because after that, he talked about how Han Junwoo forcibly pulled Han Taesan to sit down, or grabbed his arm and bit him.

I had clenched my hands and gritted my teeth as I said,

‘I’m not interested in that kind of disgusting talk at all.’

Then Park Dongcheol quickly shut his mouth.

Park Dongcheol had been acting quite friendly with Go Yohan and his friends lately. Like someone subtly trying to distance himself from Han Junwoo’s group. Perhaps his saying those things to me was also because he wanted to become closer to me. And today, once again, only Go Yohan and I were left in the classroom, separated from our groups.

Go Yohan leaned his back against the wall at the very back of the classroom. Then he quietly looked down at me. Was he ignoring me, or what? I felt annoyed, so I turned my head and ignored him back.

“Jun.”

“What.”

“Let’s go get ice cream after school. That one was good.”

Go Yohan ignored me, who had ignored him. As he said that, Go Yohan casually threw the rubber ball he was holding somewhere in the classroom. The lost rubber ball bounced around, threatening the other students. The kids frowned at the wildly bouncing rubber ball but couldn’t say anything to Go Yohan.

Go Yohan didn’t care about the atmosphere at all. He had a quite indifferent personality. He was also selfish. I watched the bouncing rubber ball with a frown, then took a deep breath and spoke. His arrogant behavior bothered me, so my words didn’t come out kindly.

“Wasn’t that flavor bought because you liked it? You ate it all.”

“No, not really. I just like green.”

“What, you didn’t consider my opinion at all?”

“How would I know your opinion? You didn’t tell me.”

By now, the rubber ball had lost its way and was rolling somewhere on the classroom floor. Go Yohan spread his hand in the air and waved it. Then, a student who was closest to the rubber ball kept looking around nervously, picked it up, and awkwardly approached to place it in Go Yohan’s hand. Go Yohan, shaking the neatly delivered rubber ball, said to the returning student,

“Thanks, loser.”

His personality is truly annoying.

Calling people ‘losers’ or ‘nerds.’ Everything he says is irritating. Furthermore, why is Go Yohan, with such an irritating personality, hanging out with me, who is lower in the hierarchy, instead of Han Junwoo? I can’t understand it. He eats with me every day, has class with me, sits with me. It’s partly because Han Junwoo isn’t around, but it’s definitely a situation where he could contact him personally. This question popped into my mind very quickly, so I asked casually,

“Why aren’t you hanging out with Han Junwoo these days?”

Go Yohan, who had been throwing and catching the rubber ball against the wall, suddenly stopped. Then he made an expression as if he didn’t understand my words.

“You two fought.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You and Han Junwoo.”

“So. I’m the one who fought. Why are you involved?”

“Your words are really strange. Because you’re my friend, of course.”

Go Yohan scanned me up and down. I subtly avoided his strangely overt gaze and asked back,

“You’re Han Junwoo’s friend.”

“Wow. You’re really funny. Then aren’t you my friend?”

Go Yohan now pointed at me with a tone that was almost exasperated.

“No, I’m a friend too. But you were also close with Han Junwoo. Why are you taking my side?”

“Well, because I’ve been friends with you longer.”

“What are you talking about? You and I became friends because of Han Junwoo.”

“Hey. What are you talking about! We were friends in first grade!”

“When were we?”

“Damn it, you’re really a bad bastard. Seriously. Wow. We always made eye contact in the cafeteria!”

“Ah… that time.”

“Then did only I think we were friends? Hey, you fraud. That’s why I talked to you first right after we got into the same class. Wow. You don’t know? I’m really disappointed.”

“Ah.”

“Wow. Crazy. Wow… How could you… Wow.”

“Okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I quickly mumbled an apology, recalling the awkward, yet strangely frequent eye contact we made in first grade.

I felt uncomfortable about that, but in your case, it fell within the ‘category of friendship,’ you mean. If so, I’m also wrong. How could I see that gaze as goodwill? It was completely hostile. Wait, then it means I was the one who suggested eating together, not Han Junwoo.

A wave of absurdity washed over me as I realized that what I had known was completely the opposite. It was a bit of a shock. But since I still didn’t want to get involved, I just nodded as if I understood.

“Okay. Okay, I get it. I’m sorry.”

“I was really, really upset just now.”

Go Yohan glared at me. Sometimes, I just can’t understand how that guy thinks.

“And it’s because Han Junwoo is so damn weird.”

“……”

“That bastard, he’s totally crazy right now. He was always a bit crazy, but now… well.”

His long fingers gripped a rubber ball, and his remaining index finger twirled around his temple two or three times. Watching that action, I thought of Park Dongcheol. And other friends of Han Junwoo who talked to me.

The only thing I could tell from that fact was that Han Junwoo’s reputation was plummeting.

‘Gay.’

The brand with the most terrifying power in an eighteen-year-old’s world made me tremble slightly, fearing it once again. At the same time, I was thinking it was fortunate I wasn’t caught proof that I cherished myself more than Han Junwoo? I looked at Go Yohan’s face with a trembling unease, like an impious priest hiding a secret before God.

“Oh, for crying out loud.”