Eighteen’s Bed Novel Completed - Chapter 106

“Father also speaks to Go Yohan very dismissively.”

“It’s understandable to ignore him. With that personality and those grades.”

“Then they don’t dislike him? What kind of parents would, just because their child’s grades are like that…”

“That depends on the person, and if they disliked him, would our mom and dad have helped you?”

“…Huh?”

“Ah, I shouldn’t say this.”

Small feet shuffled on the floor. Go Rosa thought for a moment, then nodded to herself again. And mumbled to herself, “Yeah, well, I’m right,” or something like that. Then, before I had time to ask what she meant, she grabbed my arm and headed to the end of the hallway. She found another empty spot.

“It’s like I’ve become some kind of complicit sister-in-law.”

“Complicit sister-in-law?”

“Do you know why our dad is so nice to you?”

“…No.”

Honestly, I’ve never really understood. Because I study well? Because my family is decent? If that were the case, he’d favor his eldest son. Looking back, I even wonder why it had to be me.

“Because you’re perfect for dumping Go Yohan on.”

“What did you say?”

“Why did you pity Go Yohan anyway? With that brain, that face, that family.”

Go Rosa lowered her eyebrows slightly and acted regretful. She even looked a bit like Go Yohan when he was acting.

“Then, then saying he’s dumping his child, that just, just means he hates him, right?”

“Would he try to attach a child he hates to the best possible person? Our dad is a little different from others. That’s probably why a bastard like Go Yohan was born.”

“…”

“That evening, he got more love for doing that idiotic thing. You didn’t know, did you? Go Yohan probably doesn’t know why our dad cherishes you so much. Go Yohan doesn’t even know that he’s being pushed around and left anywhere. Only I know. Only I noticed.”

Go Rosa’s eyes were full of pride. She subtly boasted about her intelligence. It was then that I realized Go Yohan and Go Rosa were true siblings.

There was nothing more to say. My mind went blank. It was as if I had been hit by a flashbang, unable to see anything in front of me. I couldn’t even properly take in the small face right in front of me. In the first place, it was hard to even stand properly.

“…”

It was all a lie.

I only found out half a year later.

I, who wanted to believe Go Yohan, simultaneously denied the fact that I had been deceived. I blinked rapidly, trying to erase the unbelievable reality. I even hit my head hard a few times with my fist. But reality still didn’t change. Afterward, I kept hearing sarcastic sounds in front of me, but I couldn’t understand them. My brain blocked all information.

Go Yohan was a pitiful child. Unfortunately, the reason wasn’t ostracism, but simply that his life was filled with traces of not being able to love himself and living to crave affection.

My mind went blank. I leaned my head against the wall. And said mechanically.

“Go Yohan likes me.”

I couldn’t think of anything, I was just struggling to find the truth.

“Was that a lie too?”

Was it a prank to tease me? Was life a game, a lie, a pastime for Go Yohan, a person who was only happy when he was above others? Everything felt suspicious. That was how desperate it was. So I clung to my only lifeline. I might have been truly desperate.

“Is that something you should be telling me? You have a loose tongue.”

But Go Yohan’s bloodline was cold.

“First of all, I don’t say anything I’m not sure about.”

The lifeline was rotten. Or maybe I just cut it myself before I could climb.

“But, seeing how violently he acted, don’t you think? Maybe he just did it for fun? Something like that. No, why are you even agonizing? Is that so important? You can just cut ties without agonizing. Are you perhaps shocked? By what I said? Why? Do you also want to live as a gay person? Surely you don’t like Go Yohan?”

I couldn’t answer. My tongue was stiff as if frozen. Seeing me like that, Go Rosa clicked her tongue, tsk-tsk. As if I was truly pathetic.

“Crazy, you really do like him, don’t you?”

“…”

“I wondered why it was you of all people, but I guess you two were a perfect match.”

I couldn’t properly hear the words that flowed past. The wooden bell rang. As it rang ‘Deng,’ my mind completely collapsed.

“Ah, over there. I just… I’m going home now. Uh, Mother will… in a bit. Just a moment.”

Go Rosa made a strange face. Her face was contorted in a grimace, as if my words were utter nonsense. Her dark eyes swept over me, as if evaluating me. Embarrassed by that blatant gaze, I simultaneously grew to hate everything in this house.

The world went black, then yellow, then spun around. In the end, my words couldn’t continue. The awkwardly finished words scattered just like that. Only my body spun around.

“That’s… just a moment.”

A whirlwind accompanied every step. My idle hands busily swept my hair back and forth for no reason. Thanks to that, my hair frizzed up wildly. My reflection in the glass door I passed was utterly pathetic. I walked frantically. I knew my mother was in the living room, but I had no time to care.

Walking through the storm, my body crashed into the front door. Losing self-control, I pressed the button with my fist as if to smash it.

After several fumbled attempts, the door opened. As soon as the door opened, what I heard was the resounding cry of cicadas. The scorching sun poured down on the top of my head. The ground rippled as if it were turning upside down.

“Un… unbelieve…”

It was like that then too. When I had a premonition that something was about to happen. When Han Tae-san first reprimanded Han Junwoo. Before the world collapses, a heat haze always shimmers.

My mind became a ruin. The street, after a natural disaster, had nothing left but its foundation. Emotions were rapidly building upon that foundation. I clenched my fists as if they would burst and glared at the wall. My eyeballs hurt as if they would burst, but I didn’t care.

“This dog-like bastard…”

My entire fist trembled. Tears of rage welled up in my eyes. Traces of irritating teardrops ran down my cheeks and dropped from my chin.

“Crazy bastard.”

Half a year until I became an adult, and I finally took my eyes off the microscope. I, who had only looked at Go Yohan up close, finally straightened my back and looked at the flask containing Go Yohan. The small glass container was more pathetic than I thought. All thanks to a small, unexpected informant.

I tried to think of the shortest things in the world. My father’s thumbnail, Sunday evening, and vacation. The deliberately shortened summer vacation period at school passed by without time to do anything. When I came to my senses, the homeroom teacher was standing at the podium, explaining the second semester’s college admissions process. The white chalk struck the blackboard forcefully.

First, for the remaining period. Friends who can’t win through early admissions should invest everything in regular admissions.

Second, make realistic plans and consider which universities you can get into.

Third, don’t obsess over university names. Sometimes the major is more important. Consultations are always welcome.

“You’re the kids who study a bit, right? I’ve experienced college admissions myself and watched the Suneung several times, so I know. Kids like you, the ones who study a bit, are the bigger problem. The schools the top tier can go to are already decided anyway. You know that getting through that hole is like a camel passing through the eye of a needle.”

The class atmosphere instantly turned gloomy. This was because it was around this time that everyone was realizing their place. With the homeroom teacher’s words, we instinctively distinguished between the top and the very top. A few gazes landed on me.

“…”

“If you’ve studied with hope until now, it’s time to grasp reality. Korea University? Unless your grades are national-level, just give up on it for now. Of course, there will be a few kids in here who will go.”

The classroom was swallowed by tension. If it were the kids from the back class, they might have lightened the mood with jokes like ‘warriors of a hundred days,’ but at least not our class. The homeroom teacher’s gaze picked out a few people. I was among them. I awkwardly smiled and bowed my head, and also felt stinging gazes.

“But if my grades aren’t top-tier, then lower-ranked universities aren’t bad either. If you choose your major well, it might even be better than Korea University. We’ll talk about that during consultations, okay? Good. Did you have a good, short vacation? You didn’t spend it resting or playing, did you? Of course, I know the kids in our class wouldn’t do that.”

The kids laughed heavily at the subtly pressuring joke. They were all kids who had been stuck in academies, staring at test papers all day. I laughed too. Because I had also spent all day staring at mock exams and past Suneung test papers. Then I turned my body and looked back. It was Go Yohan whose eyes met mine as if on display. Go Yohan, who smiled by stretching his mouth wide, mouthed loudly.

‘I’

‘didn’t’

‘do anything.’

And a crying face. I was dumbfounded. I meticulously scanned that face I wanted to crush. Then, I also forced a wide smile. My mouth moved less than Go Yohan’s.

‘Right.’

After that, I turned my body without looking. Anyway, the kids weren’t interested in us. They were all in the midst of life’s biggest dilemma: whether to aim high with illusions or to aim lower with cold, hard judgment. I looked at the three sentences written on the desk and made my judgment.

When I scanned the third sentence, the homeroom teacher glanced at me and smiled. Then he pointed at me with his finger and drew a small ‘X’.

‘Don’t worry about it, Jun.’

Meanwhile, my pocket vibrated. I didn’t even need to look to know. It was definitely Kim Minho, who I’d been contacting the most lately. While the homeroom teacher checked his watch and busily checked the attendance book and wrote something, I subtly checked my phone.

‘THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED THE LONG-AWAITED’

This crazy bastard. I gasped in horror, my mouth agape.

“Then study hard in class, and I’ll see you later.”

“Yes.”

As soon as the attendance book hit the podium with a thud, the sound of chairs being pushed back echoed here and there. Everyone was busy looking for their textbooks for the next class. I took that opportunity to send a message.

‘Shut up.’

Does this bastard’s class not even confiscate phones? Our class can’t help it because of academy contacts, but for this guy, confiscation is really urgent. As the endless ignoring continued, someone plopped down in the empty seat next to me. A familiar scent wafted.

“Who are you texting?”

“Huh?”

The moment I hurriedly turned my head, Go Yohan leaned his head in. That subtle movement was incredibly creepy. Luckily, my thumb was faster. I quickly turned off the screen and shoved it into my pocket.

“Why did you suddenly sit here?”

“Can’t I sit here?”

“If you sit here, my partner won’t have a place to sit.”

“Ah, that kid with no presence?”

Go Yohan, bending slightly at the waist, chortled softly. Then he brought his face close to my ear. A scent like deep blue dominated my nose. It felt like falling into a deep sea with violent waves. And my feet were caught in a massive whirlpool, dragging me into the dark abyss. Lukewarm breath escaping his lips tormented my earlobe.

“You don’t say a word to them. Their studies aren’t great, and neither are their looks.”

“Stop, stop it!”

I instantly pulled my upper body back to avoid him. I reacted sensitively without realizing it. I even reflexively pushed Go Yohan’s chest hard with my arm. As if hitting him. Go Yohan, seemingly a little surprised, looked at his chest where he’d been hit, then blinked at me.

“No, that’s… It’s, it’s ticklish.”

“…You startled me.”

I scanned my surroundings as always. I was embarrassed that I had shouted. Go Yohan always leads me into embarrassing situations. Because that’s what he wants. I didn’t know his intention or meaning, but Go Yohan was always like that.

“Who were you contacting just now?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t answer my question earlier.”

A thin line softly smiled. It was a light tone, as if asking a friend, but it never felt that way to me.

“Academy teacher.”

“What, you contact your academy teacher like that from morning?”

“He seems very worried about my grades.”

“Must be a teacher with nothing better to do, huh?”

“If I fail, it’ll tarnish his career, so he must be concerned.”

Tap-tap. Long fingers tapped my partner’s desk. My partner, who had no presence, still showed no sign of returning. Or perhaps they saw their seat taken from the back door and gave up on returning. Tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap. In order, index, middle, ring, and pinky fingers went up and down.

“Is it a guy?”

Without looking at me, Go Yohan, who was intently watching his fingers tap the desk, spoke abruptly.

“No, a woman.”

“Hmm-“

“…She’s old, and she has kids.”

I wasn’t looking at Go Yohan for his reaction. I just wanted to end this wretched situation quickly. So I spoke more half-heartedly than I intended. Feeling no need to look at Go Yohan who wasn’t looking at me, I also spoke without looking at him. My gaze was on my fingertips, and my hands were playing by themselves on the desk.

“What is it?”

“What do you mean? It means don’t worry about it.”

Go Yohan straightened his back. I glanced around, observing his movements. Go Yohan moved blurrily outside my focused vision. I also slowly turned my body. Of all things, I happened to turn towards Go Yohan, and our eyes met. But what was embarrassing was that Go Yohan was grinning mockingly, biting his thumb with his teeth.

“You’re saying something so useless.”

Contrary to his words, his gaze was cold. I spoke, watching his expression a little.

“Really?”

“You shouldn’t just blurt out things about others to anyone.”

“…”

Everything is a lie. A lie. All lies. Everything about Go Yohan is riddled with lies.

The words written on Go Yohan’s pale face became clearer and clearer. Liar. Now, everything Go Yohan says sounds like a lie.

I looked around once. Morning break was still bustling. The area near my seat was empty, and unfinished workbooks lay open on the desk, fluttering. They were things that the kids, having enjoyed their freedom, would soon return to and unravel.

“Yohan.”

“Yes, Jun?”

“You know I went to your house, right?”

“Ah, yeah.”

“Can I ask you something?”