Diamond Dust Novel - Chapter 6

I used to draw alone every day, but around the fourth grade of elementary school, I wanted to go to an art academy. My parents immediately registered me. But once I started going, it wasn’t much fun.

I had wanted to learn how to express the subjects I wanted to draw in the way I envisioned, but most classes ended with us playing by pressing paint-smeared palms onto the sketchbook or messing around with the water and brushes in the water bucket.

After a week, I declared that I didn’t want to go anymore. My parents didn’t ask anything and just said I didn’t have to go. Of course, the remaining three weeks of the one month’s tuition already paid could not be refunded. I hadn’t realized then how generous an action that was for my parents, given our modest financial situation.

And then, I gained a teacher who came to my house to draw with me.

He was also the one who taught me not only how to transfer the world I saw onto paper, but how to see the world with the eyes of an artist.

Classes with the teacher felt like thrilling adventures. The mundane surroundings I thought I knew well transformed vividly, like pop-up cards exchanged at Christmas.

I didn’t draw a single tree, but the gnarled roots protruding from the soil, and not a whole house, but the neighbor’s shadow cast on the house’s wall. The world was full of things to draw, and what I saw today felt new again tomorrow.

I drew with the teacher for about a year. Looking back now, I think she might have stopped teaching when she graduated from university and left for Hong Kong. That was already ten years ago.

Hyung and Morae seemed worried that seeing the teacher would somehow force me to confront the past, but the past I recalled when I saw her was a more distant one. One where the world was full of adventure and mystery.

“Ah, I feel alive after finally getting some food in me.”

The teacher, who had neatly finished the twelve pieces of sushi placed in the rectangular lunch box, put down her wooden chopsticks and leaned back loosely against the chair.

“Things kept blowing up, so I only had one roll of gimbap around 3 p.m. and I’ve been starving ever since.”

The teacher laughed, looking slightly embarrassed, and explained to me as I chewed with my mouth full of sushi, a texture I was tasting for the first time.

“Take your time eating. I’m sorry I could only offer store-bought food.”

“No, it’s fine. This is the first time I’ve had such delicious sushi.”

Today was the fifth time I had been to this house since accepting the teacher’s offer. Her words about being so busy she wouldn’t notice if she went out wearing mismatched shoes were not an exaggeration; I only saw the teacher’s face clearly for the first time today.

She hadn’t completely finished work even now. She had stopped by the house to grab some materials she needed to take with her and resolved to have dinner in the process. She would have to return to the gallery after the meal. And it was already nearing 11 p.m.

“Did you… not go to university?”

The teacher asked in a cautious tone while twisting open a bottle of mineral water.

“No.”

“What about drawing? Do you still do it?”

“No…”

When I first recognized the teacher’s face, the most immediate emotion was delight, but it was instantly followed by a feeling of regret that I wasn’t drawing.

What I learned from the teacher was the ‘gaze’ of an artist, more than just the technique. The excitement and pure immersion of that time, when a new world seemed to open up, still lingered faintly in my body, making my regret even greater. My eyes naturally drifted downward.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yihyun-ah, don’t be like that. What do you have to be sorry for? I only asked because I was curious how you’ve been. I haven’t picked up a brush myself in quite a while, you know.”

The teacher, speaking in a light tone as if it truly meant nothing, tilted the water bottle and drank.

“That’s a shame. I really liked your paintings, Teacher.”

“I liked your paintings too.”

She smiled at me, a little mischievously this time. Embarrassed, I smiled back.

“That’s how life is, isn’t it? Situations change, and people change along with the situation. In my case, I didn’t quit by force. I was just tired of everything back then and wanted to throw myself into a completely new situation. You know, a place where everything is new from start to finish. I found that working in a gallery suits my aptitude and is fulfilling, so I settled here. I’m very satisfied now. It’s the same with other arts and physical education fields, but with painting, only a small number of truly talented people are recognized as artists. The rest either row their oars tirelessly around the edges of art, or they just pretend to be artsy to feel good… it’s easy to end up that way, isn’t it? Even if I had kept painting, I would have been an artist whose work was only displayed at self-funded exhibitions and bought by acquaintances. I have no regrets.”

The teacher’s words had a light aftertaste. She was sincere.

But I couldn’t wrap things up so cleanly, saying I had no regrets or lingering feelings. So I kept quiet, casting a meaningless gaze at the two remaining pieces of sushi.

“The gallery I’m at is in the middle of a growth spurt. The first few years were just toil, building the foundation with no actual results… so I was psychologically exhausted, but now that things are starting to pick up, it’s exhausting physically, but incredibly fun. It’s the same here; you have to row while the water is high. I have three more exhibitions lined up, so I’ll be busy like this until the end of next month. It’s a relief I found you. Otherwise, I’d be stressed out even at home.”

The teacher messily ruffled her neatly cut hair, as if the thought alone was dreadful.

“I’m not doing much, though.”

“The state of the house when I come home is completely organized. Everything is in its place. That’s more than enough.”

I didn’t need to do the cooking or laundry. I didn’t even know how to cook. My job was entirely cleaning and organizing. Since the house was large and contained many large and small decorations and paintings, it took some time, but it wasn’t difficult or complicated at all. I was glad if this level of effort was genuinely helpful to the teacher.

“Once these exhibitions I’m pushing through are over, let’s have a more relaxed chat. I’d like to visit that place, too. A Scene in Bali?”

We had briefly explained our situation to the teacher in case anyone tried to find us through her.

“Yes, let’s definitely go next time. It’s fun.”

We each ate one of the two pieces of sushi I had left and stood up from the dining table.

“I’ll drop you off on the way to the gallery. Ride with me.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll clean this up and then go. Please head out. I can take the bus.”

The teacher checked her wristwatch and gently pinched my cheek across the table.

“Let’s clean it up together and ride in my car. The bus timing is tight anyway.”

Before I could refuse, one of the two cell phones the teacher had placed on the dining table rang loudly.

“Sorry, is that noisy? I keep the ringer loud so I don’t miss important calls. Just a moment.”

While the teacher turned her back slightly to take the call, I quickly started clearing the dining table. Since they were disposable containers, cleanup was simple.

“Yeah. Why. Artist Yoon? …Hah… why does that man always fixate on such useless things? Yuni, could you… no, you must be doing the display right now. Okay, I’ll call Artist Yoon, so you just ignore calls after this and focus on the display… Yes, I’ll take responsibility.”

Even before I quit drawing, I knew nothing about the internal workings of the art world or the structure of how galleries operated. But judging by the teacher’s daily schedule, it clearly wasn’t an easy place to be.

It sounded as though another problem had erupted at the gallery. I was relieved that she had at least finished her meal and rinsed the disposable lunch containers at the sink.

“Yihyun-ah, what should I do? Something came up at the office, and I need to rush over. I’m sorry for promising to drive you first. Take a taxi instead, okay?”

“It’s fine. I’m done cleaning up, and I can catch the bus if I leave now.”

I looked over at the teacher, shaking the water off the containers I’d just rinsed at the sink. As a habit, the teacher had one hand on her hip and was nervously fiddling with her eyebrow and chewing on her lip. Her gaze suddenly shifted, turning toward me. Her face held a faint expectation.

“You said you don’t have work with the moving company tomorrow, right?”

Holding the water-shaken containers, I awkwardly nodded my head. The teacher strode over and firmly grasped my wet hand.

“Yihyun-ah, please save me. No, please save my kids.”