Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 63

The exact date and time came to Karlyle’s mind. But somehow, saying it directly felt a little strange.

“It was the last week of September. I know I was rude because it was late.”

“Karlyle…”

Their clasped hands lifted. Ash buried his lips on the back of Karlyle’s hand, which he had pulled closer.

“September was when the project was in full swing. I received a lot of calls too. Really important matters were usually sent by email or people came to see me directly, so I couldn’t check all my missed calls.”

A voice tinged with guilt murmured from beneath his lips.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t know. After I broke up with Karlyle, it was a little hard to concentrate… I was distracted back then.”

Ash whispered, his eyebrows curving as if he was about to cry. Karlyle was also flustered by the unexpected reaction. Ash’s pained expression pierced his heart, so Karlyle quickly raised his other hand and placed it on Ash’s cheek. His cheek had grown cold in the meantime. His heart ached even more.

“No. I didn’t want an apology. I just… wanted to know when you started liking me. That’s what… I was curious about it.”

It was truly so. But regardless of that, confirming that Ash hadn’t deliberately ignored his calls brought a warm release to his chest. It was something so obvious, yet it had bothered him. Karlyle realized belatedly how his own heart had felt, as if it belonged to someone else.

“You don’t need to apologize to me.”

“No, Karlyle. The closer you are, the more clearly you should say these things.”

Ash continued, pressing his lips to the back of Karlyle’s hand.

“So… if you allow Karlyle and me to become that kind of relationship.”

One, two, soft and slow kisses rained down on the back of his hand.

“The love I’ve had always had a clear beginning. But Karlyle, Karlyle is… different. I don’t know. I just… realized it at some point.”

He saw Ash’s long eyelashes blink. He saw his own face reflected tiny in the eyes that met his. Karlyle Frost was contained in Ash Jones’s eyes.

“I couldn’t do anything because I was so concerned about Karlyle.”

Lips touched each of his rounded fingernails.

“You’re stuck in my mind, I want to see you, I want to keep you where my gaze can reach…”

Unable to even breathe, Karlyle watched Ash’s lips touch and pull away.

“I want to hold you, I want to touch you, every moment… I want to tell you I love you.”

Ash quietly closed his eyes. He saw the wind ruffle Ash’s hair. Ash slowly opened his eyes and looked at Karlyle, asking.

“Will you accept my heart like this, Karlyle?”

Slowly, happiness spread from his toes. The emotion that had rippled below his ankles soon enveloped his entire body, so hot that it stole his breath away.

He had dared to imagine this moment in a dream. Even then, Karlyle had vaguely assumed endless joy.

But he was wrong.

No language could define this. It was an immeasurable, overwhelming emotion that consumed his soul. The meaning of life lay in this moment.

As if all his solitude and all his sorrow had existed for this day. So that he could know that what he felt now was happiness and joy.

Like someone who couldn’t speak, Karlyle looked at Ash for a long time. He wanted to nod his head right then. But it wasn’t time yet. Not yet. Because Karlyle was too immature and unprepared a person to define any relationship with Ash.

“You…”

Karlyle chose his words inwardly. He wanted to convey his feelings to Ash. Doing something he had never done before was incredibly difficult. He was so nervous, it made the thousands of times he had chosen his words over the past week seem meaningless.

“I love you.”

Instead of beautifully drawn and written sentences, Karlyle poured out his unrefined feelings. He loved Ash. No modifier was enough.

“I’ve never felt this kind of emotion. This uncontrollable emotion frightens me, torments me, and hurts me.”

Had he ever said he was scared? Even as a child, Karlyle had endured fear alone. Emotions not spoken do not become real. That’s what he thought.

“So… I was scared. Embarrassingly, yes.”

Karlyle smiled faintly. His heart gradually felt at ease. It was a strange thing.

“I’m not used to revealing myself. Ash, compared to you, I am an incredibly immature and lacking person. If I hadn’t met you, I probably would have remained this way forever.”

Ash was gazing at Karlyle without even blinking. That gaze gave him a sense of stability. He gained a little more courage.

“I haven’t learned how to speak my mind. There are many things I’ve buried without speaking them aloud… so there’s probably a lot you haven’t guessed. This is the kind of person I am.”

Speaking didn’t change everything. But Karlyle wanted Ash to confirm it. Whether he could wait for him.

“If even someone like me is okay with you…”

His smile deepened a little. Ash’s eyes finally blinked.

“Could you wait just a little longer?”

He wanted to become a strong person. He wanted to organize his surroundings to ensure there were no unstable elements in their relationship, creating an environment where he could fully focus on Ash. But more than anything, he wanted to change himself to become someone worthy of Ash. For that, he needed a little time.

Of course, it would be difficult for Karlyle Frost to become a completely different person. He would still be immature and endlessly clumsy. He would probably need Ash’s help for a long time. Even if he were to break up with Ash in that process, and Ash were to find another love… Karlyle would still love Ash.

He was still afraid of that future. But it was also true that refusing Ash out of fear of an unapproached future was a foolish act that even a child wouldn’t do. Karlyle intended to try to trust Ash during the time he was given. That was Karlyle’s conclusion.

Ash curved his eyes. There was a faint moisture in his gently lowered eyes. A smile formed on his smooth lips.

“Yes. I will.”

Kindly, Ash accepted Karlyle, as he always had.

“It won’t take long.”

Karlyle himself couldn’t bear to wait. He wanted to properly define his relationship with Ash before the year was out.

“When that time comes… may I…”

His eyes stung, though he wasn’t sad. Karlyle smiled again. It would probably be a very awkward expression. The upturned corners of his lips and his curved eyes felt awkward even to him. It felt like wearing ill-fitting clothes. Yet, he couldn’t erase the smile.

“May I be greedy for you?”

Ash smiled silently. With a gentle and tender face, he looked at Karlyle as if he found him utterly adorable. Karlyle knew it was an affirmation. Watching his beautiful smile, Karlyle wished his own smile would resemble Ash’s. If the smile that appeared when he looked in the mirror resembled that of the one he loved, he would truly be happy.

Perhaps… in the distant future, it might be possible.

“In the meantime, there’s one thing I’d like you to do.”

All the words he had thought of came out. Karlyle had long debated whether to say this. It was something that didn’t matter if it didn’t come true. He just wanted Ash to remember it.

“I’ll grant you anything.”

“I don’t know if it’s possible, but…”

Ash had allowed him to be greedy for him. So, perhaps daring to wish for this was okay.

“There’s something you don’t remember.”

At Karlyle’s words, Ash’s eyes widened in surprise, as they had before. Seeing his eyes blink in confusion, his smile somehow deepened.

“It was a long time ago.”

“A long time ago?”

“Yes.”

It was the day he met the most beautiful person in his life, a day he would never forget even in death. Even if that kiss meant nothing to Ash, it was okay. It had meaning to Karlyle. That was enough.

“I hope you… remember that.”

He didn’t have high expectations. If Ash didn’t remember, that would have its own meaning. But if he did remember…

“That’s unexpected. If I made a mistake…”

“I’ll give you a hint.”

That would surely make him very happy.

At the words that he would give a hint, Ash quietly looked at Karlyle. Karlyle slowly let go of Ash’s hand. Ash’s hand twitched. Karlyle gently extended his arm. He placed one hand on Ash’s chest. His other hand carefully wrapped around Ash’s neck.

Their bodies pressed close. They became so close that no gap was left between them. Karlyle slightly lifted his chin. The tips of their noses touched. Their lips slowly drew nearer. He felt the warm breath melting the cold air.

Quietly closing his eyes, Karlyle kissed Ash.

He felt Ash’s gaze on his eyelids. He gently bit Ash’s lips, which always tasted sweet. Affection bloomed. The past month and more, when he hadn’t been able to touch Ash, felt instantly filled. He wanted to touch him, and touch him more.

He loved Ash Jones.

He loved him more than anything.

He was happy to know such a beautiful and sad emotion. He was grateful that the object of that emotion was Ash Jones. He didn’t want to hurt him. He wanted to do everything Ash desired. He wanted to be the one who protected him, and he hoped to be the one who made him happy. He would strive to become such a person.

It felt different from when he did things for his parents. He was happy rather than anxious. A vague belief that Ash would wait for him and accept him made Karlyle feel that way.

Matching Karlyle’s gentle movements, Ash also slowly began to move. Their lips brushed. They embraced each other as if handling something delicate and fragile. Slowly, their tongues intertwined.

This kiss was somehow different from the countless kisses they had shared before. Back then, Karlyle had feared the end of their encounters that would someday come. He had been swayed by Ash’s lovely touch, yet he had been sad.

But now, he was no longer anxious.

Because this kiss… would be the beginning of countless joys.