Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 59

It was an absurd guess, but perhaps it was because their time in bed had been good. It was plausible. Ash had unbelievably shown signs of desiring Karlyle.

“I will tell you that I am not a suitable person.”

“Karlyle isn’t that kind of person.”

Ash said with hurt eyes. At his pained voice, Karlyle flinched and closed his mouth. He suppressed the apology that almost burst out. With the despairing feeling of someone who had ruined everything, Karlyle hoped Ash would simply lose interest in him.

“I know it might be hard to believe. But, Karlyle.”

But Ash didn’t leave.

“I truly love Karlyle.”

Karlyle closed his eyes. He was simply pathetic for being unable to accept this answer. For the first time, resentment towards his own life surged. He envied a life where he could casually accept Ash’s love.

Karlyle, who had been silent, met Ash’s gaze. The whispers outside the door had now subsided. Only Ash’s and his own breathing quietly echoed in the room.

“I…”

He raised a hand to cover his eyes, then swept it down. With tired eyes, Karlyle spoke to Ash. There was nowhere to run. His weakened body was exhausted. His mind, his body, all of him was exhausted.

Karlyle decided to finally share a small truth with Ash instead of silence and escape. It was a judgment born of necessity. Truly, that was all it was.

“I am not in a position to easily date anyone.”

Sadly, that was true.

“This gathering today is for deciding my fiancée. If, I…”

He barely managed to part his trembling lips.

“If I were to accept your confession, I would have to abandon my duties and the life I have lived.”

He knew. An ordinary person wouldn’t make such prerequisites just for dating. They would simply act according to their feelings, meet, and break up. But Karlyle was not an ordinary person. He couldn’t even be such a person.

“To accept you… even to the extent of doing that…”

That was reality. Even as he spoke, Karlyle couldn’t imagine himself free from his duties. The leash was still around his neck, but even if it were removed, Karlyle wouldn’t run away. He had been raised that way his entire life. It was pathetic.

“I don’t think Mr. Jones’s feelings for me… are that heavy.”

And he didn’t feel that Karlyle was worthy enough for Ash to do that. Hadn’t his life been exhausting enough because of him? Getting entangled with Kyle, becoming a sex partner for someone like Karlyle… he must have suffered a lot. He suddenly realized how selfish his actions had been when he tried to connect with Ash. Even if they did connect, his grandfather would…

“That’s not true.”

But Ash didn’t back down this time either. His unwavering voice was still gentle and loving. Karlyle finally let out a low laugh, his face unsmiling.

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I know today is an important day. I’m late. I’m causing trouble for Karlyle. But Karlyle…”

Ash asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you happy?”

Karlyle was silent.

“I’m not. I’m not happy without Karlyle. If I let Karlyle go like this, if I’m any later, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, that’s why I came.”

But people cannot always be happy. Just as one cannot have everything, so too was happiness.

“People cannot have everything.”

“But I believe one must do their best to obtain what is most precious.”

Ash said firmly. The man shone even in this moment. Karlyle realized anew why he was destined to be loved. Ash was a beautiful person.

“Do you think I will be your most precious person even after several years?”

Ash didn’t know how lacking and inadequate Karlyle was. Just as Karlyle didn’t know Ash well, Ash didn’t know him. He only thought that as they got to know each other and Ash saw Karlyle’s shortcomings, he would get tired of him. He still lacked certainty. The certainty that Ash would be by his side forever.

He knew. How absurd this was. Not even engaged, but presupposing forever before even dating. It was chilling. He knew. He knew, but… he simply couldn’t accept Ash without such certainty.

“Yes, Karlyle.”

Again, at the firm voice, Karlyle shook his head. He slowly pushed himself up from the sofa, avoiding eye contact.

“It’s hard to believe.”

“How can I make you believe me?”

If only he knew the answer.

“I don’t know.”

Karlyle admitted. His heart was too difficult. He hated himself for not being able to simply say no if he disliked something, or yes if he liked it. He was tired.

“There are people waiting for me. I’ve been away for a long time, so I should return now. For helping me…”

After a brief hesitation, Karlyle expressed his gratitude.

“Thank you.”

“Karlyle.”

To Ash, who called him again, Karlyle shook his head.

“I don’t want to talk anymore today.”

“Then, is next time okay?”

Karlyle rose from the sofa. Looking down at Ash, Karlyle took him in for a long moment.

“I don’t think there will be such an opportunity.”

Now he would return to the banquet hall. Once the engagement discussions were finalized, there would be no going back. If that happened, he wouldn’t be able to see Ash anymore. He had to block any chance of meeting again, no matter what. He was struggling now, but in a year, in two years, perhaps he could forget Ash before he died.

Ash smiled quietly. He looked at him with sad eyes, then lightly shook his head. Then he stood up. Karlyle held his breath at Ash’s resigned appearance. While he thought it was natural since it was what he intended, a part of him wondered if this was all it amounted to. Then he felt very sad.

“As Karlyle said, I’ll leave for today.”

But Ash’s expression wasn’t the end of it. His sad eyes curved more and more, and then a beautiful smile appeared on his face.

“But we’ll see each other again. Now I understand what Karlyle is worried about. Thank you for telling me.”

What was there to be grateful for, anyway?

“We’ll see each other soon, so don’t be sick.”

A hand reached out. The hand, extended as if to touch his hair, twitched again without touching him, then lowered. With a gentle smile, Ash held Karlyle in his gaze for a few seconds. Then he slowly walked towards the reception room door. Unconsciously, Karlyle turned his body and watched Ash’s retreating back.

Before opening the door, Ash looked back again. Their eyes met. His insides burned. Ash smiled as if very happy that their gazes had met.

“I love you.”

With those words, Ash opened the door. Watching the man’s retreating back as he exited through the door, Karlyle unconsciously raised his hand and pressed his ribs. Something kept feeling like it was gnawing at his bones.

Karlyle, who had been standing blankly for a long time, bit his lip. He should have been fully alert, but he was lost in thought. Brushing back his hair, Karlyle tried to compose himself. He couldn’t freeze again when he saw Joel. He had already committed a huge discourtesy. Now, to go back and…

“Let’s talk for a moment.”

Just as he was about to leave the reception room, Alice entered from the hallway. Karlyle, thus blocked, looked down at Alice with an unexpected expression.

His mother, with short black hair, was visible. In Karlyle’s memory, Alice had always looked like that. Since he met her significantly less often than his father, Jonathan, Karlyle saw Alice only a few times a year. It was because they were both busy.

“…I apologize for showing such a lacking appearance.”

“I wasn’t going to point that out, I…”

Alice didn’t finish her sentence. A faint crack appeared on her expressionless face, as emotionless as Karlyle’s. Her red-painted lips closed, then opened again. After repeating this a few times, Alice raised her hand to cover her eyes. At this never-before-seen sight, Karlyle was flustered.

“…Mother?”

“Sit down, Karlyle.”

Alice, lowering her hand, said firmly. When she pointed to the sofa again, Karlyle cautiously refused.

“Mr. Stewart must be waiting. I should go back and…”

“I sent them back.”

Karlyle blinked. He didn’t understand what he had just heard.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“The engagement has been called off. I’ll tell your father, so just know that.”

“Mother?”

His voice rose slightly. It was hard to accept what Alice was saying.

“What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense. With the Stewarts, the negotiation terms…”

“The terms didn’t match anyway. One of their conditions was unacceptable.”

Her voice sounded angry. He was perplexed. His bewilderment grew. Had he ever seen Alice express so much emotion in his life? He hadn’t seen her like this since Kyle was kidnapped.

“I recall there were no conflicting terms in the pre-contract.”

The contents of the documents exchanged before proceeding with the engagement, like a prenuptial agreement, had no issues. The business aspects had also been discussed with lawyers, and an agreement had been reached. Alice shook her head. Gazing out the door, Alice said coldly.

“To connect you with a family that would immediately break off the engagement and look for another mate if there was a problem with you, do you think I would…”

Chapter 60