Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 57

He had been lost once. It must have been in the autumn when he was fourteen. It was an event where his entire family, including his grandfather, gathered. They rode horses on a wide field that connected to a lush forest in the south.

During that time, Kyle, who had just started riding, disappeared from sight. To find his younger brother, Karlyle urged his horse in the direction Kyle had gone. From the outside, the forest had looked merely warm, but once Karlyle entered, it became an entirely different place. Countless similar trees stretched on, and the shadows were cool. Soon, it began to rain, and Karlyle lost his way.

Not only nobles but also children from wealthy families receive education that prepares them for various situations. Karlyle had learned from a young age the tricks for dealing with kidnapping or blackmail, and other ways to cope with threats. He had also begun to learn early on how to satisfy the Omega who would become his mate, and how to hunt and track animals.

But Karlyle had never learned how to be left alone. He didn’t know how to avoid feeling fear when lost in a forest like this. Enduring the rain, Karlyle silently tried to remember the path he had taken. He had gone deep into the forest to find Kyle, but he couldn’t hear any other sounds.

Before the sky completely darkened, Karlyle barely managed to use his memory, following the hoof prints and the shapes of trees to escape the forest. If the rain had fallen just a little harder, he probably would have been stranded.

When he returned, Kyle had already made his way back to their mother on his own. Kyle, at that time, was quiet but laughed often. Seeing Karlyle drenched in rain, Kyle asked if he had returned safely. No one knew that Karlyle had been lost.

Even though the fear and solitude that had churned inside him still remained in his heart, Karlyle didn’t show it. If his grandfather found out, he would scold him. Then his mother and father would apologize on Karlyle’s behalf, saying it was because they were lacking.

No child wants to see their parents humiliated. Karlyle chose silence. The boy rubbed his wet hair, then reached out to his brother. He gently brushed back his brother’s dry hair and said he was glad Kyle had returned safely.

Because his hands were wet, Karlyle pulled his hand away from Kyle a few seconds later. He didn’t want his brother to catch a cold. Then Karlyle went straight to his room and washed himself.

That night, Karlyle caught the flu. To avoid passing the cold to his brother, Karlyle stayed alone in his room throughout the trip. Mayam hinted that his parents had looked for him every night, but since Karlyle hadn’t seen them, it didn’t really register with him.

Then, even though he wasn’t lost, Karlyle felt a solitude similar to what he had experienced in the forest. His heart ached more than his body.

Emotions were thus harmful. Looking at the horses running across the sunlit fields outside the window, Karlyle thought that he never wanted to feel such emotions again. From that day on, the boy gradually erased his smiles.

After expressing his intention to get engaged, Karlyle moved to proceed with things, barely sleeping. He organized the mansion and extended his work schedule. He tried to maintain regular meals and exercise so as not to overexert himself and hinder his work.

Exercise was fine, but meals were a problem. His stomach often hurt so much that it was unbearable, and sometimes even water would come back up. The sour taste of acid had become familiar. This was definitely the first time something like this had happened.

Luther said it was stress-induced gastritis and advised him to rest. He added that if he left it like this, it would become severely chronic. Karlyle chuckled softly at the suggestion to rest. If he stayed still, he might go crazy. In such a situation, there was no way he could rest without doing anything.

Time still flowed agonizingly slowly. He knew his father, Jonathan, hadn’t finalized the engagement, but it was only a matter of time anyway. There was no real reason to refuse, and it was Karlyle’s duty.

Karlyle had lived his entire life preparing for this day. For his future fiancée, he was managed like an animal during his breeding cycles. To prevent any unforeseen accidents, he would mate with a chosen partner when his heat came.

His very soul and life were aligned with such things, so he should have been grateful for this moment that had finally arrived. At least then, he wouldn’t have to mate with different partners.

The person he chose as his fiancée was the eldest son of a count’s family. Joel Stewart, an Omega, was three years younger than Karlyle.

The Stewart family had historically produced politicians and dabbled in the arms industry, and the decision was made because they would help his family, which had relatively few political figures.

In fact, that was what his grandfather had wanted. Regardless of his grandfather’s good connections, if there were politicians connected by blood to his house, the family’s business would be even more advantageous.

He remembered seeing Joel at various gatherings. He must have had a gentle personality. His soft, smiling face resembled Ash. Karlyle unconsciously thought such thoughts and painfully stopped himself.

However, the thoughts didn’t stop easily. An uncontrollable, strong desire flowed through him: if he were to meet someone, he wished they resembled Ash. He wanted to pull the fuse and turn off the power. He knew there was no way to stop thinking except death, but he still wished for it.

But anyway, time passed, and Karlyle somehow pulled himself together. Since he had felt these emotions due to his own mistake, he couldn’t let it harm his family. Barely pushing away the thoughts, Karlyle locked the loosened bolt. He was getting better.

He was getting better… but then.

“Let’s meet again, us.”

His eyelashes trembled. His breath, torn into thousands of pieces, thinly seeped through the gap in his lips. His head was throbbing. He felt dizzy. It was because he couldn’t understand what was happening before his eyes. The series of events that had occurred in a few minutes were all a mystery.

Why was Ash Jones here?

Karlyle closed his mouth as sentences poured out, giving him no time to properly arrange them. His wrist, which had been grabbed, burned as if singed by an invisible fire. What flowed through his veins felt like boiling oil, not blood. It hurt that much.

Is this really… reality?

The moment their eyes first met, Karlyle laughed inwardly. To think that his excessive delusions had progressed into a disease, finally making him see hallucinations. The man’s image, formed on his retina beneath his eyelids, was clearly being drawn in a different way now.

Karlyle turned his gaze away, trying to resume the conversation. However, he couldn’t hear a single word from the party planner, who was going over the final order of the banquet.

As he moved locations, Karlyle tried to forget the terrifyingly vivid hallucination he had just witnessed. But he couldn’t. The hallucination soon brought auditory hallucinations with it, following him. His name was called. The voice was so vivid that Karlyle finally turned around. Pathetically.

The Ash in his delusion felt very real, yet also false. To the question of how he was doing, Karlyle reacted pathetically once again. Anyone who saw him would surely treat him as strange. Talking to thin air.

But the conversation truly continued. Ash answered Karlyle’s words. Furthermore, he kept talking to Karlyle, who wasn’t answering. Their faces gradually drew closer. Ash’s scent, which he would never forget even in death, grew stronger. The cool, gentle scent he had longed for even in his dreams softly enveloped him.

Why?

Why had Ash come to find him now? The man who had said they were nothing didn’t hold him back. He didn’t answer his calls. They hadn’t met for a month. He hadn’t followed him, nor had he asked for a reason. And yet, now he was asking him about that day again.

His heart crumbled rapidly. Like a support built of sand collapsing, his heart repeatedly fell apart. It felt as if the ground beneath him was giving way. All sorts of emotions stormed through him, shaking Karlyle violently.

Seeing Ash, with an expression he had never seen before, asking if he had made a mistake, Karlyle even felt the urge to kneel. He wanted to hold onto Ash and just collapse. But he had to endure.

It was the day his engagement would proceed. His fate was already decided anyway. Countless reasons to reject Ash flooded Karlyle’s mind.

He didn’t know why or with what feelings the man had come to find him, but it probably wasn’t with the same feelings as Karlyle. If it were, he wouldn’t have left Karlyle alone for so long.

From the start, Karlyle was an utterly inadequate being compared to Ash. But in truth, there was something else that frightened Karlyle the most.

Karlyle didn’t have the strength to endure such terrible pain again.

What if he accepted Ash and met him, only to break up later? What if Ash got tired of him again? What if he got fed up with his boring, taciturn self and left him?

How much would that hurt then?

He couldn’t even guess. It was a pain he couldn’t even imagine. At that point, he might even wish for death. It was a love that deep and foolish. He felt like he couldn’t love anyone else but Ash in his lifetime.

Looking back, his surroundings had always been filled with such people. Kyle, his mother, they had all loved only one person throughout their lives. It felt like a curse tied to the name Frost; his family loved only one person.

And foolishly, Karlyle had chosen Ash Jones as the object of his one and only love.

Ash must have had many people who loved him. But Karlyle was not like that. If he were to release the emotions he had painstakingly suppressed again, and let them consume his soul, Karlyle was certain he couldn’t endure the loss of Ash a second time. He had that premonition.

So he had to refuse. Ash would be fine without Karlyle, but Karlyle wouldn’t. Tension spread throughout his body.

Knowing that longing and affection would surely burst out if he let his guard down even a little, Karlyle fiercely pressured himself, hardening his expression. He said words that would hurt.

The moment he told Ash he was wasting his time, Karlyle felt a pain so intense he wanted to die.

Seeing Ash’s eyes painfully narrow and his smile disappear, Karlyle felt he had become the most ruthless person in the world.

But Ash didn’t back down.

“We didn’t spend the last weekend together, Karlyle.”

His unsmiling face felt awkward. His desperate voice was also unfamiliar. Karlyle vaguely recalled that the word ‘love’ had been among Ash’s earlier words. What did it mean, that people in love often acted foolishly?

“Karlyle, what you wanted to say, you don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”

Ash closed the distance again. He took three steps, surpassing the two steps Karlyle had retreated. He saw eyes looking down at him directly. A mix of emotions overflowed in the sunken gray and blue eyes.

Ash had never looked at Karlyle like that before. His heart, unable to grasp the situation, began to pound as if it would stop. He wanted to raise his hand and press hard against his ribs.

“I’ll say it. There’s something I want to say.”

An absurd assumption came to mind. Ash, perhaps…

“Karlyle, you…”

Karlyle shook his head. He raised a hand and pushed Ash’s shoulder away. With a resolute expression that said he wouldn’t listen, he cut him off. He shouldn’t hear those words. He almost misunderstood again. What was the end of that misunderstanding like? Wasn’t it miserably futile?

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but.”

He didn’t want Ash to speak. Foolishly, at Ash’s single word, he would wander, unable to fulfill his duty. He would give his heart again, without any plan for a future breakup.

“This gathering today is to meet the person who will be my fiancée.”

He steadied his trembling legs and stood upright. He straightened his back with arrogant stiffness and looked at Ash. He looked slightly up, yet spoke with a cold gaze as if looking down.

“So, I would appreciate it if you didn’t embarrass me further.”

He shouldn’t be here. Seeing Ash’s hurt eyes, Karlyle felt as if he had ruined everything.

“Please go back, Mr. Jones.”