Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 53

Ash’s love always presupposed some intense attraction, like when he first saw Nick. But he hadn’t felt that with Karlyle. Perhaps it was because of their bad first start. It was very different from the love Ash knew.

In Ash’s life, love always involved something passionate. Like a child usually does, Ash learned love from his mother.

Sophia was someone whose emotions were vividly expressed. A woman with dark brown, chestnut-like hair and bright, shining blue eyes. Ash, Natalie, and everyone who knew her loved Sophia. Perhaps his father had too, once.

According to Nat, his mother and father weren’t like that from the beginning. According to Nat’s memory, who was eight years older than Ash, his mother and father had argued frequently even before Ash was born. That was all Nat knew. A child had no way of knowing why a couple grew distant. Everything changed after Ash was born.

His father’s eyes were brown. His mother’s eyes were blue. But the newly born latecomer had one gray eye and one blue eye. His father considered it proof of infidelity. The child of some man his mother had loved long ago, and perhaps still liked.

In his father’s eyes, Ash was nothing more than that. The child even began to take on a gentle appearance similar to Philip Gordon as he grew. Suspicion became conviction.

Sophia consistently said that Ash’s eyes were a very light blue. And she loved his father, and Philip Gordon was just a good friend. Even saying she hadn’t met Philip privately since they married, his mother always tried to persuade his father. He still remembered.

‘Shane, I love you.’

When they fought, Ash would open the crack in the door and quietly watch. His mother, speaking of love, looked pained, and his father, denying it, looked tormented.

But suspicion is a disease, and once it sprouts and begins to cleave the heart, it consumes the soul. His father could not escape that disease.

‘Then throw away that painting!’

‘But Shane, that… that painting greatly comforted me when my mother passed away. Shane, I…’

The conversation always ended with the painting his mother had received as a gift. Philip Gordon was an excellent painter. The man was also handsome and even a noble. He had more than enough money.

Rumors circulated that if his mother hadn’t loved his father, they would have married. But Gordon had an engaged fiancée chosen by his family, and while Gordon was resolving that, Sophia suffered greatly before meeting his father. That’s how she fell in love.

Everyone knew the protagonist in the painting was his mother. The overflowing purple and blue truly suited Sophia. But there was a secret to that painting. A secret only Ash and Sophia knew.

‘You know, baby. My sweet bonbon. Actually, this painting is from when I met your father. Philip gave this to me to try and hold onto me. It was kind of him. But look there.’

The child looked up, following Sophia’s finger. The shimmering, flowing love was visible in the painting.

Ash loved his mother that much. He loved the gentle person who always smiled in front of him, even when fighting with his father. He loved the kind mother who swore she would love Ash no matter what. Ash wanted to be like that. A very kind and strong person who smiled for those he loved.

Even to the child’s eyes, the painting looked incredibly beautiful.

‘The reason I’m smiling is because I’m looking forward to building a beautiful future with Shane.’

Then Sophia cupped her child’s cheek, whom she called “bonbon,” and said,

‘You are my and Shane’s child. I am happy. Shane is just hurt, Ash. It’s Mommy’s fault. There’s a reason why someone you love is sad. I’m going to fix it. So Ash, don’t worry. I’m happy because I have you and Natalie.’

Sophia actually tried to do so. She did until her death. Sophia only broke down a week before she died.

His father had an affair.

Even while tormented, the man tried to act proud. He told Sophia to feel the same pain. Sophia, his mother, had a very hard time enduring it.

After Ash fell asleep, she would go out to the sofa every night and sob softly. Her small, rounded shoulders trembled pitifully. She would bury her face in her hands, looking out the window. But then, if Ash entered, she would smile with a pale face, as if she hadn’t cried at all.

‘Did you come, my bonbon?’

Ash hated his father, who made his mother cry, but since his mother loved his father very much, he decided not to hate him. So he didn’t show his sadness in front of his mother.

Ash was there the day his mother died. It was an unexpected death, not a planned one. London is a city where terrorist attacks happen frequently. Sophia simply got caught in that unfortunate trap.

At her son’s words that he wanted to draw, Sophia took Ash’s hand and went out to buy art supplies. Sophia met Philip there.

It was truly a coincidence. Because the place Sophia knew was where Philip often went, because they shared certain memories.

And that day, Ash witnessed true love.

Suicide bombs exploded everywhere. Subways and buses were blown up, and people walking on the roads were swept up in it. He saw something collapse with a roar. Black smoke and agonizing heat spread from his right.

Philip grabbed him first. And Sophia took the impact of the bus roof that was falling on Philip and Ash. Pushing them away, Sophia called out someone’s name.

His father believed it was Gordon’s name. But Ash remembered his mother’s blue eyes, looking at him and running straight towards him. What she tried to protect was the child of the man she loved.

With her small, fragile body, Sophia absorbed the hot blast. Her beautiful skin was charred red and black. Sophia died with bones broken in many places.

Instead of mourning his mother, his father disposed of everything related to her. Not a single keepsake remained, not even the painting she cherished most.

The love Ash knew was this intense. Gordon prioritized the child of the woman he loved over his own safety, and Sophia sacrificed her life for the man she loved, for the child she loved.

Ash knew why his mother never threw away the painting. His mother wanted to preserve the moment she fell in love with his father. Her feelings, which shone more brightly and beautifully than anything else. And she must have tried not to be consumed by sadness and misfortune while looking at it.

Everything that made up the painting was love. Even the painter’s name, Philip Whitewood, was part of it. Whitewood was the place where Philip and Sophia first met.

Ash grew up well. His father completely neglected him, but Nat, at an early age, moved out with support from their grandparents and took Ash with her. His sister was his other mother.

Natalie, who learned love from their mother, raised Ash with the same love. He thought he grew up well. Having a loving family, Ash became someone who understood love.

Therefore, Ash couldn’t be sure how he felt about Karlyle. To call it love, it was very different from what he knew. Moreover, Karlyle’s personality was the type Ash avoided.

Ash found it difficult to deal with people who deeply hid their true feelings. This was something he felt watching his mother and father, and at the same time, the memory of his first love, who had betrayed him, also contributed to him avoiding such people.

Thinking about it now, even though the other person wasn’t the type to hide their true feelings, they still did such a thing…

“Are you listening to me?”

Mackenzie, who had been talking earnestly, broke through his thoughts. Ash smiled and shook his head.

“No.”

“…It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this obnoxious.”

“I’m a bit tired lately.”

Ash admitted. Rubbing his brow, he sighed softly. He frowned slightly and looked out the window again. There was nothing outside, yet his gaze kept drifting there. Just like his mother used to.

“What on earth is wrong?”

Ash was silent for a moment. Mackenzie was trustworthy enough. Ash’s private life was a topic of conversation for everyone in the company, so Ash usually kept his affairs hidden at work.

Even when he had an office romance once, both sides suffered after the breakup. Everyone around them knew their story.

It was fine for him to be a topic of conversation. He had lived with it his whole life. But he didn’t like the other person, who wasn’t used to it, becoming the subject of rumors.

“Hmm.”

Still, Mackenzie was decent enough.

“Don’t beat around the bush, just tell me. You know I can keep a secret, right?”

“I know. That’s why you go around showing my photos…”

“Those were on your SNS! If you don’t like it, set it to private! In this day and age, finding that is nothing. Don’t you remember us digging through client accounts?”

He pretended to agree. Nodding and rubbing his chin, Ash let Mackenzie gently coax him.

“Your senior is offering to give you advice, huh? You won’t get this for free anywhere.”

His efforts were commendable, so Ash finally opened his mouth. He actually wanted to confide a little. He didn’t want to make time to meet close acquaintances just for this kind of talk, but since Mackenzie was right there, it didn’t seem bad.

He considered himself knowledgeable about dating and love, but he had never encountered a situation so unanswerable.

“Someone who seemed to like me…”

“I knew it!”

Ash raised one eyebrow. Mackenzie closed her mouth and waved her hand.

“If they suddenly said they wanted to stop meeting, what do you think the reason would be?”

“Is this about you?”

Ash looked at Mackenzie again. Mackenzie quickly shook her head. At times like this, he sometimes got confused about who was the senior.

“Well… maybe it was a situation where it was difficult to continue meeting?”

“For example?”

“But there are too many possibilities for that. It depends on their personality, for one. For example, someone like you would probably have said they liked them no matter the situation. If it were me… hmm, maybe they backed off because they weren’t sure you’d accept them?”

Ash slowly rubbed his chin and lowered his gaze. Hearing Mackenzie’s words, something bothered him.

Karlyle had asked one thing before saying he wanted to stop meeting. Had he asked? It was a small, questioning voice, as if confirming. It seemed he had heard Mikaela and Susan prying into their relationship.

However, Ash couldn’t find anything particularly strange in that situation. Strictly speaking, Ash and Karlyle were nothing to each other. Their relationship was not defined in any way.

They weren’t friends, they weren’t just acquaintances, and they weren’t dating. They certainly weren’t in a relationship.

In such a situation, wouldn’t it be rude for rumors about Karlyle to spread first? That’s why Ash wanted to confirm Karlyle’s feelings.

Only by knowing that could their relationship change.

“Not sure about acceptance…”

He fell silent. His mind was tangled in a complex mess. He couldn’t guess Karlyle’s true feelings at all.

The figure who declared that unnecessary emotions were unneeded seemed as solid as if there wasn’t a single flaw. His expressionless face was resolute, as if it wouldn’t be swayed in the slightest by Ash’s actions.

However… even such a man had a weak side.

Karlyle’s crying face suddenly came to mind. At that, his heart tightened painfully. His flushed cheeks and reddened eyes were vividly drawn. The low, hoarse voice asking why he was talking about another Alpha lingered in his ears. The day he saw the moisture in those cold gray eyes stream down his cheeks, his heart sank. It was so pitiful and lovely.

Yes, lovely.

Then, a thought suddenly struck him. There was no way to know what Karlyle thought. So, what Ash himself thought of Karlyle was important.

Could he just let this go?

Was it just a passing mist?

It didn’t seem so. He kept chasing after the man’s retreating figure. It was hard to concentrate on work. And this symptom didn’t seem to disappear until he met Karlyle again.

He made up his mind. Once he changed his perspective, it was a problem so simple it was almost easy. He wasn’t sure if Karlyle would meet him again, but Ash thought he at least had the right to ask for one meeting.

“I need to make a call.”

“Aren’t you going to thank the senior who solved his worries with a few words of conversation?”

“Thanks.”

Ash, speaking with half-sincere gratitude, quickly opened his phone’s call log. He found the saved name and pressed the call button.

It was five in the afternoon. The chances of him not answering were high. Karlyle, when he declared an end, had seemed quite resolute, and quite some time had already passed.

“…The number you have dialed is not in service. Please check the number and try again…”