Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 49

As the pain subsided a little, Karlyle left his room and walked down the hallway. He quietly descended the stairs. The silence that filled the mansion, where he was the only occupant, was incomparably vast and heavy compared to usual.

Stepping into the deep darkness felt like sinking into a swamp. Karlyle descended the steps and stood before the painting in the living room.

Bathed in moonlight filtering in from the terrace, the painting was still beautiful even in this situation. Karlyle reached out his hand. Rubbing the frame with his fingers, Karlyle naturally recalled what had happened today.

An immense regret washed over him, like someone who had committed an unintentional act. It was an impulsive remark uncharacteristic of Karlyle and, at the same time, a defense mechanism.

For over thirty years, Karlyle Frost had never revealed his true feelings or shown his sincerity to anyone. This was partly due to his upbringing, but also because he knew how much the pain of rejection could hurt him.

Including the past when his mother had dismissed his goodwill as a waste of time, Karlyle had experienced several similar incidents in his youth.

He was unskilled at overcoming wounds and becoming numb to them. This was because it didn’t happen often. Instability was a weakness, and a flaw of the family members who had educated Karlyle. Although sincerity was said to work everywhere, there were worlds where it did not. Some realities were like this.

Moreover, Karlyle had not learned how to be rejected while feeling such clear, painful, and desperate emotions. If he were to directly experience Ash not accepting him in such a state, he would probably…

For a long time, Karlyle stood looking down at the painting. He knew his heart ached terribly, but he felt little. It was like someone who had suffered a wound so deep that flesh was torn and bone exposed, that they no longer felt pain. Karlyle repeated to himself.

It will be okay.

He had lived for a long time without someone named Ash Jones. Like someone who had seen the outside world bathed in light for the first time, he was captivated by that beautiful sight, but it was okay. People cannot have everything they want. Karlyle had lived a life where he didn’t get the most important things but obtained trivial others.

So he would endure.

Without conviction or confidence, Karlyle brainwashed himself. With a calm face, he swallowed the thought of Ash looking at him as he absurdly ended things, pretending not to notice. Karlyle would never be the same again, but he would still live.

Karlyle stayed up all night looking at the painting. His body, buried in the sofa, was heavy and powerless, as if sinking into mud. Karlyle rose when he saw the sun rise in the early morning. And then, he began his routine again, as he had in the past without Ash.

Time passed unbearably slowly. As if walking on a forcibly extended time axis, everything surrounding him flowed heavily and slowly.

Karlyle intermittently felt stomach pains and couldn’t sleep. However, it was more comfortable not to sleep. Instead, he extended his working hours. When he focused on only one thing, matters related to Ash became a little fainter, so he was almost willing to do it.

During that time, a habit formed. Whenever he received a call on his personal phone, the one with Ash’s traces, a psychological expectation seemed to develop within him.

A day passed, a week passed, and for two full weeks, Karlyle waited for someone’s call, even though he didn’t want to.

The festering longing burst on the day it reached three weeks. Based on his previous experience, Karlyle decided to take suppressants to get through the rut that had arrived later than its usual cycle.

He simply didn’t have the confidence to meet someone and go through the rut. Just the thought of touching another person made his stomach churn and a faint nausea rise.

During his appointment with Luther for the prescription, Luther easily noticed Karlyle’s insomnia and stomach pains. Karlyle dryly stated that he had many things to worry about and received the prescription.

Luther initially refused Karlyle’s request for double the suppressants, but surrendered when Karlyle said he would get them even if he had to find another primary doctor. Karlyle looked at Luther’s worried gaze with a face that showed he didn’t understand.

He wasn’t sick. He hadn’t suffered a major incident. There was nothing for Luther to worry about.

He just… needed a little time.

The rut he faced without Ash was more painful than expected. His body kept craving another Alpha’s pheromones. The unreleased, stagnant heat yearned for Ash. Sleeping pills didn’t work. After forcibly swallowing several pills, Karlyle buried his face in the toilet and vomited stomach acid.

After shamelessly and disgracefully emptying his stomach, Karlyle felt dizzy. He couldn’t grasp what to do right now. He stumbled up and grabbed his phone as if in a seizure. The entire house was filled with Ash’s traces. An unbearable urge surged. With fumbling hands, Karlyle dialed a number he had memorized a long time ago.

The phone rang for a long time. Ash didn’t answer. Only after hanging up did Karlyle realize how shameless and pathetic his actions had been. Instead of calling again, Karlyle buried his face in the sheets and endured.

He missed him.

So

much

He missed him so much he felt like he would suffocate. The empty feeling, as if there was a large hole cleanly piercing his breastbone and muscles, was terrifying. His eyelids trembled faintly. Karlyle exhaled shallow breaths and looked at his phone. He endlessly read the unsent messages.

The cute smiling emoji and the words “come see me,” the message setting the time and place, the call log barely reaching ten entries…

Karlyle chewed over and re-read the sentences he had long memorized, engraving them into his mind. Then he soon closed his eyes, wanting to erase them. Then an image appeared on his retina, beneath his eyelids.

Ash, smiling, was everywhere. A subtle, cool, yet sweet scent of wood wafted through the air. Ash was in every space Karlyle breathed. In pain, as if his trachea was constricting, Karlyle got up. He barely managed to steady himself from almost falling as his legs gave out.

In the dark hallway, in the living room with the piano, in the kitchen, everywhere, there were traces of Ash. Panic set in. Finally, passing the painting, Karlyle let out a low laugh like a madman.

It was due to a sudden sense of relief. That is… he was glad that Kyle was happy with Nicholas. It was amazing how Kyle had endured such painful emotions for so long. It hurt this much after only three weeks, so he couldn’t even imagine Kyle’s suffering, watching Nicholas meet and love someone else, next to him for a lifetime. He was indeed different from Karlyle. If it had been Karlyle, he wouldn’t have lasted half a day.

So his situation was very good. He had to endure. His pain was nothing. Love entails loss. Although Karlyle couldn’t even guess what he had lost, all the pain he felt was merely temporary pain caused by loss.

With his laughter subsiding, Karlyle, whose chest was heaving, slowly reached out to the painting. He took down the neatly hung frame and carried it to the table. After placing the painting face down, Karlyle stared at his phone for a long time.

The call he had made before midnight still had no answer, even now in the early morning. And perhaps, an answer would never come. It was only natural. He had been rude and a nuisance to the very end. Karlyle knew well that he was neither a kind person nor a gentle one. And true to such a person, he was selfish to the very end. That’s why he felt regret.

It wasn’t that he shouldn’t hold grudges. He should have realized earlier that Ash was different. If, on the day of their first kiss, he had told Ash that he had remembered him for a long time, would many things have changed?

Probably not. Ash didn’t even remember it and had clearly stated from the beginning that he wouldn’t like Karlyle. Everything was his fault for not taking responsibility for his own words. As always.

Karlyle slowly looked at the garden, which was getting colder and where petals were beginning to fall. The profusely blooming flowers were gone without a trace, only leaves remained.

Summer was ending.

“Instead of calling a Philharmonic orchestra musician, I think it would be better to invite a singer this time. Both Mr. Roman Milato and Ms. Satima Rahal seem to really like jazz music.”

Karlyle’s younger brother, Kyle, and his father, Jonathan, sat opposite him. They were having tea on the outdoor patio in Karlyle’s garden. Kyle was explaining the concept of the party he was in charge of. It was for a party for collaborative investors for the Fraser River basin development project in Vancouver, scheduled for a few days later.

While the detailed planning and execution were handled by professionals, Jonathan and Karlyle decided to entrust this task to Kyle, believing it would be beneficial for him to experience setting the main theme or leading the progress. Hosting a memorable social gathering was also part of cultivation.

“Ms. Rahal particularly enjoys Julie London and Chet Baker.”

Jonathan, seemingly already aware of this fact, nodded lightly in agreement. Karlyle, who had been touching his teacup, paused.

“Then, for the music, we’ll do it that way…”

The voices directly in front of him blurred. As if his ankle had suddenly been caught and he was dragged somewhere, Karlyle recalled Ash lying down, listening to Julie London’s music.

Ash’s handsome face, with eyes that curved beautifully as he looked at him before turning off the lights, with the deep, beautiful female voice in the background.

Reflexively, Karlyle raised a hand and rubbed his eyelids. He tried to erase it, but it wouldn’t fade. His heart pounded rapidly, and a sharp pain flowed through his veins. It felt like broken glass pricking and flowing through his bloodstream.

“…Karlyle?”

The fading sounds instantly returned to normal. At Kyle’s voice calling him, Karlyle lowered his hand. At the same time, something flowed down his cheek. He blinked. He briefly looked at the sky.

“Now…”

Kyle looked at Karlyle, his expression uncharacteristically flustered and disturbed. His father Jonathan’s gray eyes also stared at him. A silence fell. It seemed like it was going to rain. Because the clouds were a similar color to his father’s eyes.

The moisture gathered on his cheek flowed thinly. The rain, instead of falling on the table, or his shoulder, or elsewhere, fell near his eyes. The moisture pooled in his conjunctiva flowed silently once more.

With a blank expression, Karlyle raised his hand. After lightly wiping away the moisture, Karlyle quietly wiped what was on his fingertips. He unfolded the napkin on the table and removed the moisture with restrained movements. Then he calmly looked at the two pairs of eyes staring at him.

“Excuse me.”

Jonathan’s lips opened and closed. Kyle looked at Karlyle, appearing at a loss. As if to alleviate the seriously stiff atmosphere, Karlyle unemotionally brought up another topic.

“More importantly… I have something to discuss briefly.”

Into the rigid silence, Karlyle presented the conclusion he had organized over several days.

“I plan to dispose of this mansion. I know it’s not my property, so this is, of course, on the premise that you allow it.”

Karlyle raised his teacup, waiting for his father’s permission. Had the rain stopped? No more raindrops flowed down his cheek. Jonathan looked at Karlyle with a serious face, then slowly opened his mouth.

“Can you tell me why?”