Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 43

A peaceful silence settled. The smell of the summer night seeping through the window, the cool breeze, the warm water, and Julie London’s sweetly echoing song…

The sweet taste of the grape wine lingered on his tongue, then pleasantly melted into his bloodstream. Joy rose from every part of him that touched Ash.

“For saying that.”

The hand stroking his back gently pulled Karlyle closer. Karlyle, who now somewhat understood what the gesture meant, slowly lowered his head towards Ash. Water droplets fell onto Ash’s cheek. Their wet lips slowly met.

A soft, tender sensation gently spread. The kiss was sweet. Feeling their tongues intertwine very slowly and tenderly, Karlyle thought. How happy he would be if he were to date Ash.

Even though he thought he couldn’t even dare to imagine it, something else gradually mixed into Karlyle’s heart due to Ash’s gentle touch. Like the sweetness spreading through his tongue, something utterly enchanting slowly colored him.

Every moment that followed was nothing short of perfect. He hadn’t known a person could be this joyful. It felt like he truly understood the word “happiness” for the first time in his life.

Contrary to calling it a simple dinner, Ash made a very delicious seafood pasta with a thick cream sauce. He poured Shiraz, a dry red wine he had, for Karlyle, and even skillfully twirled pasta onto a fork and offered it to Karlyle.

Karlyle subtly avoided eye contact and politely declined the embarrassing gesture, but he ultimately couldn’t win against Ash, who coaxed him with eye smiles.

Hesitantly, Ash put the pasta into Karlyle’s parted mouth. Karlyle felt his neck flush hot and his body stiffen, and he slowly chewed and swallowed the pasta.

Ash, truly sorry for making him cry, continued to pay great attention to Karlyle afterward. His gaze never left him. He was always a person who showed a lot of consideration and care, but that night, Ash acted as if he only saw Karlyle.

After dinner, Ash suggested watching a movie. After finishing their meal in the kitchen on the first floor, Ash dimmed the lights in the living room next to the kitchen and let Karlyle choose a movie. There were many movies Karlyle hadn’t seen.

“Did you choose?”

Ash asked, hugging Karlyle from behind as he examined the neatly arranged Blu-rays and DVDs in the glass display case. His lips touched the back of Karlyle’s neck. His body temperature, which had been rising since the kiss in the bathtub, showed no sign of cooling down. His heart pounded tirelessly, maintaining a higher pulsation than usual. It felt as if they had truly become lovers.

“What Ash wants to watch…”

“I want to watch something Karlyle hasn’t seen.”

“I’m not very picky.”

“But you said you don’t like zombie movies.”

Ash chuckled and tickled the back of Karlyle’s neck with his lips. Quite some time had passed already, but Ash remembered their conversation at Southbank. This brought both joy and excitement. He had just had sex that was embarrassing a few hours ago, but he felt like he was getting aroused again.

Karlyle tried to carefully examine the movies Ash owned. But there was truly nothing that interested him. However, there was something he wanted to watch.

“…I’d like to watch a movie you like.”

Ash chuckled softly at the slightly changed words.

“Really?”

Karlyle wanted to watch a movie Ash liked. He wanted to know more about what Ash enjoyed and liked. Ash’s eyes narrowed into a thin smile as he looked at Karlyle, then, still holding him from behind, reached out and placed his hand on the display case.

“Do you like sad ones too?”

It didn’t matter. The goal was to know what Ash liked.

“I don’t dislike them.”

To be precise, even watching such things, he didn’t feel much empathy. Even watching movies that stimulated human emotions, including love, felt like someone else’s business. After all, such things would never happen in his life.

“Then we’ll watch this.”

Having said that, Ash chose something.

The movie was about a man who lost his loved one in an accident and tried to protect her through repeated time loops. Karlyle sat upright next to Ash, who was buried in the sofa, and watched the movie dispassionately. Unlike at the BFI, Ash was quietly focused, his mouth closed.

Karlyle intermittently glanced at Ash’s profile. In the darkness with the lights off, the light from the projector colored Ash’s face. Their thighs were touching.

Karlyle was tense in the unfamiliar yet exciting environment that surrounded him. Wearing Ash’s shirt, which was slightly larger than his own shoulders, and spending the evening like this at Ash’s house.

Someone else’s ordinary, taken-for-granted time was a first for Karlyle. Having someone he liked, and spending a night like this with that person, was also a first. Even as Karlyle took in the movie’s plot, he couldn’t shake off how their current appearance might be perceived.

It was then. Something touched his shoulder. Karlyle flinched and looked down beside him. He saw Ash’s soft hair. Ash slightly raised his head and met his eyes.

“I’m a little sleepy.”

A languid voice was heard. Ash was resting his head on Karlyle’s shoulder. His fingertips tingled at the intimate and affectionate gesture.

“…Are you going to sleep?”

“After the movie ends. I like the last scene.”

At those words, Karlyle forced his gaze away. Unbelievably, it seemed more beneficial to simply watch Ash resting his head on his shoulder, but that would look strange. Also, Ash’s remark about liking the scene played a part in diverting his attention.

The movie’s plot and theme were unremarkable. But Karlyle didn’t find it particularly rational. As the end approached, the protagonist sacrificed himself for his lover. Beside Karlyle, who watched it expressionlessly, Ash quietly said,

“Karlyle.”

Ash spoke in a muffled voice, as if contemplating something.

“If a situation like that came, what would you do?”

Karlyle confirmed the question, looking at the white text scrolling up on the darkened screen.

“Are you referring to a situation where a loved one dies?”

“Yes, specifically, if someone has to remain.”

For a moment, no thoughts came to mind. First, a rational thought emerged. It would be better for the one with more family to support or responsibilities to live. But soon, a hypothetical scenario involving Ash and himself naturally came to mind.

The answer came surprisingly quickly.

“I think I would act similarly to the protagonist.”

He wasn’t empathizing with the protagonist in the movie. Yet, Karlyle thought that. If Ash were to experience such a thing right before his eyes…

Karlyle closed his mouth. He couldn’t even hypothesize it. It was something that should never happen.

“Do you think so?”

“…Yes.”

But this was just imagination. Karlyle barely came to a conclusion. If someone had to die, it would be more beneficial for the world if Karlyle died. Theoretically, too, that was true. The world would be much more beautiful with Ash in it than with Karlyle.

They weren’t in any kind of relationship, but Karlyle couldn’t be sure he could live as before if Ash died. On the other hand, it was different for Ash. Karlyle probably wouldn’t be that important to Ash.

In that case, Ash would be fine even if Karlyle died. The thought made him feel down. But this was the truth.

“I don’t know.”

Ash sat up. Silence fell. The air was heavier than the quiet moment in the bathroom. It felt like a dream.

“If I were to lose the person I love and live alone…”

Ash, who had been looking ahead, turned to Karlyle and said. His hand, resting on the sofa, touched Karlyle’s thigh.

“I want to die together.”

He blinked. Through the open glass door connecting the living room and the garden, the faint sound of insects chirping could be heard. The orange light filtering over the garden wall faintly spread across the living room.

He felt like he could hear his heart pounding. Even though he knew the words weren’t meant for him, even though he knew the beloved person wasn’t Karlyle, Ash’s words somehow made him feel dizzy. He felt lightheaded.

“…Aren’t you afraid of dying?”

Karlyle asked a practical question. Ash quietly looked at him, then chuckled softly.

“Usually, yes, but…”

Ash looked out the window once, then stood up. Karlyle looked up at him. Ash extended his hand to Karlyle, who was looking up at him.

“Some kinds of love, even death isn’t a problem.”

Listening to the low voice, Karlyle slowly took Ash’s hand. He intertwined their firm fingers. Their clasped hands pulled Karlyle.

As always, even without pulling hard, Karlyle swayed and was drawn towards Ash. As they ascended the darkened stairs together, Karlyle thought that Ash’s words might be true.

Lying in the same bed truly felt strange. After getting ready for bed, Ash pulled back the covers. Then he gestured to Karlyle. Julie London’s song faintly echoed from beyond the slightly open door.

“It’ll turn off on its own after a while.”

Ash said before turning off the bedside lamp.

“I’m fine.”

Although he didn’t sleep deeply, such a small sound wasn’t a problem for Karlyle, who wasn’t particularly picky about his sleeping arrangements. If he couldn’t sleep tonight, it would only be because Ash was beside him.

During his rut, it was hard to think properly about anything, so even when he intertwined with Ash and fell asleep, he didn’t feel any tension. But lying together in bed after such a peaceful day, his body stiffened to the point of suffocation.

Even though he had shown such a terrible side to Ash, he worried if his sleeping appearance might look strange.

Ash chuckled. The sound of him turning off the light and lying down echoed particularly loudly. Karlyle lay in a proper posture, quietly holding his breath and closing his eyes.

“Do you usually sleep well, Karlyle?”

Ash, who had asked the question, then answered it himself.

“You slept well during your rut, though.”

His attempt to close his eyes and organize his thoughts immediately failed.

“…Did I?”

“Yes, I think it was partly because I bothered you so much. But you do seem to have a sleeping habit.”

Karlyle’s heart felt like it was being thrown somewhere, and he opened his eyes. He sat up slightly, feeling flustered. No way. As far as he knew, Karlyle had no sleeping habits. According to the omegas…

“You kicked the blankets off.”

“I… did… that?”

His voice was hoarse with tension. Ash burst into laughter. Just when things were getting better, having his shortcomings pointed out made him truly want to escape this place. No, avoidance doesn’t improve anything. But this, truly…

“Ah, Karlyle.”

Ash reached out his arm and pulled him closer. Karlyle, laid down on the soft pillow, was embraced as if trapped in Ash’s arms. Ash easily held his upper body, which was of a similar build, tightly.

“I guess I shouldn’t tease you, Karlyle.”

Karlyle slowly calmed down at the word “tease.” His heart, which had been rolling and bouncing everywhere, returned to its place. It was a more breathtaking moment than when he fell off a horse.

“You look good, even when you’re sleeping.”

Ash said that and kissed his forehead. Their eyes met. They were lying on their sides, facing each other. Karlyle blinked.

“So, sleep well, and don’t even dream.”

Smooth lips whispered softly.

“Good night, Karlyle.”