Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 31

It was out of the question. Karlyle firmly refused. Standing in front of the machine, blocking Ash, was good.

The problem was what came next.

Karlyle quietly raised a finger. The blue screen with various national flags lined up at the bottom had many buttons. From the context, Karlyle seemed to need to buy a new card. His hesitant finger slowly pressed the button.

“Karlyle.”

Ash, who had been quietly watching him, hugged him from behind and said. His arms wrapped around Karlyle’s waist, his hands touching his stomach.

“Surely… you haven’t never bought one before, have you?”

Karlyle flinched at the breath on his nape. A faint warmth tingled throughout his body. At a moment when he needed to concentrate, Ash was distracting him by commenting on his lack of experience.

“…If you could remove your hands, that would be preferable.”

“Karlyle’s hands are free right now, aren’t they?”

There was quite a queue behind them, so after saying this, Ash turned around and apologized to the people behind him. With an eye-smile that was sweet enough to make one swoon, Ash meekly said,

“Excuse me, could you wait a little longer?”

Two European women, who appeared to be tourists, widened their eyes and nodded quickly. Karlyle’s mood sank a little, having witnessed the scene. His desire to buy a card quickly vanished. It was better to just take a taxi than to bother with the cramped, unsanitary underground public transport.

“Do we have to take it?”

“You really haven’t bought one before, have you, Karlyle?”

“There was simply no need to take it.”

Ash chuckled softly. The hand around his stomach tightened, and lips touched his nape, then pulled away.

“You’ve never even ridden it? My goodness.”

Having said that, Ash took out his wallet. From his black leather cardholder, Ash pulled out another Oyster card and placed it on the yellow top-up machine.

“I have an extra one, so I’ll give it to you.”

Ash quickly pressed the buttons and finished topping it up. In a dazed state, Karlyle was led by Ash’s hand, tapped the card at the turnstile, and stopped in front of the elevator where people were gathered. Ash placed a blue card in Karlyle’s hand.

“It’s a gift for Karlyle’s first time riding the subway.”

Karlyle examined the card in his palm. Unlike other cards, it had various drawings. There were what looked like doodles, but also a flamboyant guard or a ship.

“It was one I cherished.”

Ash said in a playful voice.

“It’s a Diamond Jubilee Oyster.”

“…Is it really alright to give me something like this?”

At the mention of it being cherished, Karlyle seriously asked again. Ash then smiled, his eyes crinkling. With a genuinely amused voice, Ash nodded.

He had unintentionally received something again. Though he was looking for a painting, a sudden urge to give something more surged within him.

“Karlyle, you really… can be quite naive sometimes.”

“As I told you before, you don’t seem to have a talent for metaphors.”

“Is that so?”

Ash, who said Karlyle was always right, laughed so cheerfully that Karlyle silently turned his head away. Karlyle didn’t notice that his own tightly closed lips had relaxed.

The Tube wasn’t a very good mode of public transport for tall people like Karlyle or Ash. The Piccadilly Line, which lacked newer subway lines like the Jubilee or Circle lines, was small and cramped.

Ash had to duck to get in, and Karlyle was no different. Even for the mere ten minutes or so, it was hard to say it was good, even as a lie, because of the unpleasant body odors and pheromones filling the crowded space.

However, inside the crowded Tube, Ash stood between Karlyle and the other people, shielding him, and looked down at Karlyle. Thanks to this, Karlyle, enveloped by Ash, didn’t have to touch anyone else.

Instead, his body was pressed tightly against Ash’s. He remained awkwardly tense. He could feel Ash’s subtle, woody scent from close by. It was a pleasant scent that made him want to bury his nose in Ash’s embrace and inhale deeply.

Karlyle kept looking at Ash’s two different-colored eyes, which were fixed on him. It was simply because there was no space to look away, not because he undignifiedly wanted to keep staring at Ash’s face. Seeing Karlyle like that, Ash’s eyes crinkled in a smile, and he kept whispering into Karlyle’s ear.

‘If you keep staring like that, I’ll get shy.’

A voice that wasn’t shy at all sweetly tickled his ear. Karlyle was flustered. His expression didn’t change, but he lowered his gaze slightly and apologized to Ash.

‘…Did I make you uncomfortable? I apologize.’

‘Who said that?’

Ash gently took Karlyle’s cheek as he lowered his gaze. For a moment, Karlyle thought it seemed inappropriate for a public place, but he realized Ash had only set a boundary for kissing and kept his mouth shut. It was just unfamiliar and felt too casual, making him awkward, but he didn’t dislike it.

‘I like being shy.’

Ash matched his eye level and whispered tenderly.

‘So keep looking.’

‘Hmm?’ Ash tilted his head and smiled as he asked again. They were so close that their noses almost touched. So close that anyone else would think they were kissing, Karlyle trembled his eyelashes, unable to even breathe.

His hand, undecided whether to push him away, pushed Ash’s stomach weakly before falling limp.

…Is he going to kiss me?

That thought crossed his mind. It was true that he had wanted to kiss Ash very much, having not touched him for nearly six days. Ash was smiling with inscrutable eyes.

Just as he felt like he was suffocating from the strange tension, a woman’s voice announcing the station rang out crisply. At the voice repeating “Knightsbridge Station” twice, Ash straightened his upper body.

“We’ve arrived.”

Ash led his tightly held hand. Ash skillfully navigated through the crowd, excusing himself as they went.

Everyone moved aside as Ash said “Excuse me,” unable to take their eyes off him, so Karlyle was able to exit the subway without having to touch anyone else.

“So, how was your first subway experience?”

Ash asked as they ascended the stairs. Karlyle thought to himself: It was an unpleasant experience. But being close to Ash was good.

“It’s tolerable for one more ride.”

…Only if Ash was with him. Ash, unaware of Karlyle’s hidden thoughts, smiled innocently at his words.

As they emerged onto the ground, bathed in dry, warm light, the air changed. Knightsbridge, adjacent to the vast Hyde Park, was one of the affluent neighborhoods bordering South Kensington, an area Karlyle also frequented.

Passing red double-decker buses and Barclays Cycle Hire bikes lined up on racks, Ash headed towards the park.

“Have you been to Hyde Park often?”

“Only when I’m invited to a BBC Proms concert.”

“So you haven’t been there for leisure?”

“I don’t recall any such occasion.”

Hyde Park wasn’t a place Karlyle would frequent, unlike relatively less crowded places near his home like Hampstead Heath or Richmond Park.

“Right, Karlyle has Hampstead Heath near his home. I like it too. The view from the top is beautiful.”

Karlyle paused. His stomach fluttered at Ash’s words that he liked the place. Something tickled inside, threatening to burst out of his mouth. He had something he wanted to say.

If you ever happen to be in the area, I would appreciate it if you would let me know. Could you spare some time and… take a walk with me?

This is what he wanted to say.

He felt dizzy. He wanted to express an invitation, a proposal, a selfish wish. He imagined it would be very pleasant to walk there with Ash. The desire to spend more time with Ash scratched at his ribs from within, threatening to burst out.

But Karlyle endured. He wasn’t in a position to say such things to Ash, and he wasn’t sure Ash would be pleased to hear them.

He had never expressed such small, personal desires to anyone. So Karlyle clenched his fist slightly to rein himself in and endured.

“Then you must not have seen the Darcy statue that was erected on the Serpentine Lake either.”

Karlyle frowned slightly.

“You saw that monstrosity?”

“You knew about it? That’s surprising!”

Ash burst out laughing, truly sounding surprised, and stopped walking. It was quite a long time ago, but he recalled seeing it when he went to Hyde Park on the day the statue was erected, at Aiden’s insistence.

“I saw it due to unavoidable circumstances.”

“Monstrosity, you say.”

Ash repeated Karlyle’s word and chuckled softly. A hand reached out as if he found him cute and rubbed Karlyle’s cheek.

“You don’t like things like that?”

“It doesn’t seem to be a taste I can understand.”

“You must have really disliked it if you’re showing it this much. How cute.”

“Ah,” Ash exclaimed and started walking again. Unable to process the word “cute,” Karlyle looked straight ahead. The hand he was holding tightened.

“I remember being chased by a flock of swans when I went to see it with my friends.”

“They are ill-mannered birds.”

Karlyle frowned, making a disparaging remark about the Queen’s property. It was well-known that swans had bad temperaments. The thought of them doing such a thing to Ash made him feel displeased.

“Right? Several of them chased me, and it was scary. Next time you see them, Karlyle, please scold them for me.”

Ash gently rubbed the back of Karlyle’s hand, joking. As they entered a quiet and pleasant residential area, only their voices softly echoed through the street.

“…I will do so.”

When Karlyle unconsciously said this softly, with genuine sincerity, Ash’s eyes crinkled in a smile. This time, Ash squeezed Karlyle’s hand tightly. The strong, firm grip made his blood warm.

“Karlyle, you really are…”

Ash said, looking ahead, his voice low and subdued, unlike his smiling face.

“You act so adorably, it’s troubling.”

Karlyle stopped abruptly. Confusion rose at the word “adorable.” Lately, Ash had often said things that unsettled Karlyle. Words he had tried to dismiss without assigning any meaning to them now mixed together all at once.

His words “I don’t know,” the expression “you’re confusing me,” the word “next,” the request to “be kind,” and now the description “adorable”—all of it made Karlyle misunderstand.

Even though Karlyle had seen with his own eyes that Ash still loved Nicholas, this thought still crept in: Could Ash, perhaps, like him just a little?

This was clearly a different side of Ash from when he first met him. The weight of the Oyster card in his wallet felt heavy against his chest.

Misinterpreting the situation and making a wrong judgment was something Karlyle should guard against the most, yet with these intensely sweet and bitter emotions he was experiencing for the first time, his rationality kept trying to make misguided decisions. He wanted to ask why Ash said such things.

However, before Karlyle could open his mouth, Ash stopped. Looking at someone who had come out in front of a white house nestled in a cozy, quiet alley, Ash spoke.

“Natalie. You were out?”

Karlyle’s gaze followed the voice. A blonde woman with her hair tied up spotted Ash and hurried over.