Define The Relationship Novel - Chapter 26

All the while he was in Canada, Karlyle couldn’t eat properly. It felt like a lump was stuck in his chest, making it impossible to swallow anything. He usually enjoyed eating to some extent and meticulously managed himself to maintain a proper diet, so this was a first in all his years.

The reason was clear. It was because of Ash.

Everything became a first, an exception, when it concerned Ash. Karlyle was suddenly afraid of that fact. There was nothing that wasn’t special. He had experienced much and thought he was quite old, yet Karlyle realized through Ash that countless ‘firsts’ still existed.

Ash shook his life, which had been drawing a calm horizon, into a chaotic turmoil. He both hated and loved that fact. He loved that the person he had come to like left such a mark on his life. And he hated that this mark made Karlyle unlike himself.

When he closed his eyes, he recalled Ash crumbling because of Nicholas. He hadn’t known a smiling face could look so sad. Karlyle felt a complex mix of emotions knowing he had learned this specifically through Ash.

He envied Nicholas, who had received Ash’s love. Shamefully, he did. His own self, utterly different from Nicholas, felt a little pathetic. As Karlyle, who objectively knew how his looks were perceived, and what his family and background—which could be considered his everything—were like, this kind of self-loathing was unfamiliar.

However, thinking about it, it wasn’t that strange. Karlyle wasn’t a witty or cheerful person. He didn’t know how to act affectionately. He could use his head and perform assigned tasks with maximum results, but even that was nothing compared to Kyle. Kyle had caught up in just half a year to what Karlyle had painstakingly learned over more than ten years.

In his world, a cleverness like his own was close to ordinary. Surrounding him were countless superior Alphas like Kyle. Karlyle had spent all his time striving not to fall behind. If he hadn’t meticulously planned and managed himself, his grandfather would have been deeply disappointed in him and cast him aside long ago.

Then, there would be nothing particularly special left for Karlyle. His wealth was not something he had earned himself. Therefore, riches could not be a distinguishing feature of Karlyle either. All that remained was a face that revealed no change in emotion.

Ash would never be attracted to such a person. He would never like Karlyle. From the beginning, Karlyle hadn’t even attempted it. Before he could do anything after realizing his feelings, he had cruelly treated Ash. He had hurt Ash. Even knowing that Ash’s first impression of him was nothing short of the worst, he had made another mistake.

Perhaps Ash wouldn’t want to meet him anymore.

Logically, it made sense for Ash. Nicholas, the only reason Ash met Karlyle, had truly become an unrelated person as of that day. Karlyle had said harsh words to Ash. In such a situation, there was no reason whatsoever to continue this meeting. It was a relationship that would end in a month anyway.

In the car returning to the mansion, Karlyle kept thinking these thoughts. While in Vancouver, he had deliberately focused only on work, trying to eliminate distracting thoughts. He couldn’t show a flawed side to his brother due to idle thoughts. Even if he spent several sleepless nights because falling asleep was agonizing, he didn’t show it. All he had eaten during that time was soup and salad. His heart ached so much he couldn’t do anything.

“…Karlyle.”

And Kyle seemed to have been watching Karlyle closely. For the first time in a while, he had called a driver, so Karlyle, sitting in the back seat, turned his gaze to the left. Kyle was looking at him with a worried expression. He saw deep blue eyes and a delicate face. Kyle’s black hair, much darker than Karlyle’s grayish-black hair, reminded him of Ash. A faint pang of pain followed as Ash’s smile came to mind. His heart felt a little sore.

“Is something wrong?”

Karlyle lightly shook his head.

“Nothing for you to worry about.”

“You haven’t eaten anything for the past few days.”

He had thought Kyle, being naturally a picky eater, wouldn’t notice anything unusual about Karlyle’s eating habits, but it seemed he was wrong.

“I just don’t have an appetite, so you don’t need to worry.”

“Really?”

Kyle asked back, as if disbelieving. He was observant, except when it came to himself and Nicholas, so he might have noticed something. But Karlyle didn’t show it.

“Yes.”

He reached out a hand to Kyle, who still couldn’t shake off his worry. As he had done since Kyle was young, he lightly stroked his cheek, and Kyle reluctantly accepted the touch, as if acquiescing.

Kyle was a superior Alpha, but to Karlyle, he was always someone to protect. To have worried such a person. It suddenly felt like he had come to his senses. He slowly realized how futile his delusions had been.

Karlyle needed to be faithful to his duties. For Kyle to live unconstrained by their family, as he had lived so far, Karlyle had to continue to set an example. After all, Karlyle was a being bound to the name Frost.

It was agonizing to imagine the moment he wouldn’t be able to meet Ash, so he had forgotten, but ultimately, there was nothing Karlyle could do with Ash. An Alpha and an Alpha dating was something that shouldn’t happen, at least in Karlyle’s world, and even if it did, Karlyle would ultimately have to marry the Omega chosen by his family.

From the beginning, with no other path available, what was he hoping for, wishing for the meeting to prolong?

It was futile. The more they met, the more painful it would be for Karlyle when the end came. It was better this way. It wasn’t a clean ending, but they wouldn’t meet again, so rather…

Even as he thought that, Karlyle couldn’t soothe his chaotic heart. Nothing changed even after he sent Kyle home first and arrived at his Hampstead Heath residence.

Meanwhile, his rut arrived.

It was a Thursday evening, not far off from his usual cycle. After their last meeting before his business trip, Ash hadn’t contacted him for over a week. Karlyle hadn’t contacted him either. He had informed Luther that he would manage this rut with suppressants.

Luther had warned Karlyle with a displeased expression. Because he had been exposed to Alpha pheromones while entangled with Ash for the past month, his body might perceive it as a change, and the suppressants might not have the same effect as before.

Luther added that there were no side effects or adverse reactions; it was merely a symptom of his body adapting to new stimuli.

Luther was right. Karlyle had taken suppressants since the morning his rut began, but the medication wasn’t working well. Normally, when he took suppressants, the symptoms would only manifest as a very slight fever. But today was different. It felt as if the suppressants weren’t working at all. Only a shred of rationality remained, and his body was burning hot. His stomach was hard and knotted. His insides were boiling.

An unpleasant sensation overwhelmed his entire body. The scent of pheromones spreading from his body felt unfamiliar. He had already told Mayam that she didn’t need to prepare meals and to not come upstairs. It was a good thing he had. Otherwise, he would have shown himself in an unsightly, disheveled state. Karlyle had never shown his rut-affected self to anyone other than his partner Omega.

Rut always made him feel low. It felt like becoming an animal stripped of humanity. The surging libido, which he didn’t want, controlled him. Each time he succumbed to the uncomfortable desire to spread his buttocks, sow his seed in the exposed place, and leave his mark, he felt self-loathing. Yet, his body, which felt pleasure with ejaculation, was repulsive.

Experiencing a rut with suppressants playing only a minor role was quite agonizing. He couldn’t sleep. It was hot. His entire body was burning. The nightgown he barely wore was more than half open, exposing him as if he were naked. Burying his face in the bed, Karlyle endured. The sun finally set. Yet, there was still a long way to go until night truly fell.

He unconsciously tried to calm his lower body, which moved as if thrusting, and gripped the sheets in his hands. Hot breaths escaped his parted lips, dizzying him. He wanted to somehow relieve the lust that filled his body as if it would burst.

Anything, somehow…

With a groan, Karlyle twisted his body. His head was foggy from the fever, which made his entire body ache as if he had a fever, and from the dizzying desire. His body craved release.

Naturally, the pleasures he had experienced flooded back. His mind, instinctively recalling intercourse with Omegas, gradually began to recall Ash. The sensation of tongues intimately entwined and saliva sweetly swallowed down his throat became desperate. The palm firmly gripping his waist, the lewd voice whispering in his ear, the fingers probing his rear, no, something hard.

Haa, a heated breath was slowly exhaled. His closed, furrowed eyes twitched. His eyelashes trembled. Recalling Ash ignited his libido. He wanted the unspeakable pleasure Ash had given him. No, in truth, he wished Ash were beside him.

The fever gradually worsened. His rationality faded to the point where it was remarkable he could even think. The desire, trapped within his body with no outlet, violently churned inside. He could sleep. He could endure. He still had two more days to hold out, but it would be possible.

Karlyle staggered to his feet to take more suppressants. His gown slipped down. His straight, pale shoulders were flushed reddish from the heat. With a veined hand, Karlyle fumbled on the bedside table. Finally, he grasped something. His vision blurred from the sudden movement. His body, which hadn’t eaten for days, finally cried out in pain.

Karlyle’s body collapsed. His vision seemed to turn white, and his memory cut off there.

When he regained consciousness, Karlyle smelled a familiar scent. It was a nostalgic and alluring fragrance. Squinting, Karlyle barely managed to lift his heavy eyelids. His eyeballs felt dry. His throat was parched.

‘Did I faint?’

Thinking that, he tried to move his body. Then, a warmth that wasn’t his own slowly registered. He also felt the sensation of clothes touching his bare skin. It wasn’t the feel of his nightgown.

“Are you awake?”

Karlyle blinked. His blurry vision focused, and soon a face emerged from the darkness. Karlyle frowned slightly at the sight of someone who shouldn’t be there. That couldn’t be.

If it was a dream, it was a bad one. Was there a need to show him so vividly a person he now had to try and forget?

“…Ash?”

Even thinking it was a dream, he eventually called out the name. As consciousness gradually returned, Ash’s scent grew stronger. The face looking down at him wore a gentle expression, but he didn’t smile as he always had.

“Yes.”

Even his voice, always so gentle, felt a little unfamiliar today. Karlyle was sure it wasn’t a dream a few seconds later. Then, a wave of bewilderment washed over him. He was so flustered that it temporarily suppressed the heat of his rut that filled his entire body the moment he woke up.

“How… did you get here?”

“Karlyle called me. Don’t you remember?”

He didn’t remember. His memory cut off after he reached for the suppressants on the bedside table. If he had really called, it seemed he had unconsciously sought Ash at that time.

“I picked up the phone when it rang, and your voice didn’t sound good, so I just stopped by.”

‘Just in case something happened,’ Ash said calmly. Karlyle felt a subtle distance in his voice. It truly seemed he had come just in case something had happened. Ash, so gently laying Karlyle on his lap, spoke like that. He felt his body sink. Pain came.

“…I’m sorry.”

Ash was silent for a moment. His upturned lips and curved eyes gave him a smiling impression, but he wasn’t truly smiling. It felt unfamiliar.

“Is it your rut?”

Breaking the silence, Ash asked. Karlyle sat up and turned his gaze away. There was no way he wouldn’t notice the pheromones filling the room.

“Yes, it is.”

“Do you want help?”

Ash asked. Karlyle paused. It was indeed his original intention to spend his rut with Ash. In that brief moment of laxity, lust slowly crept up his spine. He wanted to pin Ash down and bite his lips right then.

However, Karlyle restrained himself again.

“You don’t have to force yourself.”

“What do you mean, ‘force yourself’?”

Ash asked back dryly. That calm voice painfully pierced his insides. Karlyle chose his words for a long time. It took a while to recall something with his fever-addled mind.

“I thought… you wouldn’t want to see me, so I said that.”

A quiet stillness settled. Ash slowly took Karlyle’s shoulder. His bare shoulder, exposed by the slipped gown, was gripped by Ash’s hand. His body was slightly turned. His body, not fully comprehending the situation, reacted to the stimulation. His lower abdomen tightened.

“Karlyle.”

Their eyes met. He averted his gaze. Ash’s hand gripped his chin. He was held captive. Ash’s tempting lips kept bothering him.

“Really…”

A short word dropped. Ash whispered in a voice that seemed to not understand.

“I don’t know, I really don’t.”

Karlyle also couldn’t understand those words. The hand holding his chin gently stroked his mouth. Fingers touched his cheek.

“Why do you confuse people with that expression?”

With those words, Ash pushed Karlyle onto the bed. His body reacted with a shiver at the sensation of being pushed down. It was too much now. He was curious about what Ash wanted to say, but he had no room to think about it.

“Ash… I can’t endure it any longer.”

So, if he didn’t want to, he should leave now, Karlyle tried to add. But he couldn’t. Ash’s hand pulled down the precariously draped gown.

“Karlyle.”

Ash whispered lowly.

“Do you want me to leave?”

Karlyle shook his head, his eyes contorted. He tightly gripped Ash’s wrist, which was pressing down on his body. Ash quietly smiled, looking at his gripped wrist. Seeing the smile finally return, a strange satisfaction spread through Karlyle’s core.

“Then don’t hold back.”

After speaking, Ash’s lips met his. The moment he bit into the soft, hot flesh, his rationality vanished. Karlyle’s hands roughly gripped Ash’s shoulders.

His body, having finally obtained the partner it desperately desired, followed its instincts as if it knew no restraint. Pulling Ash closer, Karlyle urgently thrust his tongue in. He was hungry, like a starving person. Even with Ash right in front of him, his heart was racing. He kissed desperately, as if Ash might disappear. The desire to confirm Ash’s presence was greater than the body’s craving for more stimulation.