Alpha Trauma Novel (Completed) - Chapter 78. Kim Dohyun (3)

It was an inferiority complex that had deeply permeated him over a very long time, through long experiences. Dohyun was always the one waiting to be chosen, swayed by the anxiety of never knowing when he might be abandoned. On the surface, he acted nonchalant, but ultimately, he was always the subordinate.

‘Teacher.’

But for the first time, he received affection without purpose. He met someone who asked for nothing, purely giving. When his reflection appeared in those clear eyes, he was swept away by the illusion that he had become someone remarkable.

Six hours a week. A short time, barely half a day even if concentrated into one. He poured attention into Wooyeon as if watering parched land. He opened his locked heart wide and gradually expanded his presence.

And so, it was two weeks. In just two weeks, Dohyun grasped most of Wooyeon’s characteristics. For example, that he didn’t get along with Soohyang, that he was subtly very picky about food, or that he had low self-esteem but strong pride.

As he had first felt, Wooyeon was not a naive child. Soohyang’s attention, which Dohyun had envied, was ultimately nothing more than a stubbornness that isolated the child. He was young, clumsy, and fragile, and he was withering away without even realizing he was lonely.

That must have been why. Why Wooyeon rejoiced like a child at his slightest word. Why he was moved by small kindnesses, and why he craved affection like someone starved of it.

What began as mere curiosity gradually turned into concern. The guilt he had tried to ignore also slowly grew in volume. Even knowing he should stop there, Dohyun ultimately ignored Soohyang’s warning.

It was the day of his first festival in his twenties. It was a day he couldn’t tutor, and a day Wooyeon didn’t reply. While he was anxious, Soohyang contacted him, and the news wasn’t very welcome.

‘Wooyeon left school early. He hates being alone, and there’s no one home. Can you go check on him?’

It didn’t matter that her tone was commanding, or that she completely disregarded his schedule. What mattered was that he hated being alone and that no one was home.

Dohyun couldn’t hide his anxiety throughout operating the club’s pub. He was stuck inside, with no time to serve, and unnecessarily sorted recycling. He must have acted like such a dog needing to pee that Minjeong, who had kicked everyone else out of the kitchen, pretended not to see Dohyun.

‘You go in. You said you have a part-time job.’

As soon as Minjeong spoke, Dohyun rushed to Wooyeon. He didn’t have time to fix his hair, which was flattened by his hat, nor did he have time to change his T-shirt that said ‘Romantic Pocha.’

And at the house he rushed to, Dohyun finally invaded Wooyeon’s heart.

‘Tea-cher… hic…’

He had seen people cry countless times, to the point of being sick of it. His younger siblings always cried at the orphanage, and after he grew up, his lovers cried. But no one had ever flustered Dohyun to this extent.

‘Why are you crying, Yeon-ah, are you okay?’

Dohyun knelt beside Wooyeon and patted his trembling back. His mind went blank at the sight of him crying like a child.

‘Are you hurt anywhere? Look at me, Teacher, huh?’

After a long time, Wooyeon stopped crying. He was sobbing so hard he didn’t even notice his glasses being taken off. Dohyun wiped his tear-streaked face and placed a hand on his round forehead.

‘Are you done crying?’

Wooyeon had a faint baby scent. It was the only lotion scent Wooyeon, with his sensitive skin, used. The soft fragrance, enough to naturally soften his heart, lingered deeper in his chest than pheromones.

‘You don’t seem to be hurt…’

And their eyes met. Wooyeon gasped, his face red. The blossoming of emotion, witnessed right before his eyes, was too raw to pretend not to notice.

‘…’

Only sixteen. A fresh-faced child who hadn’t even presented yet. Someone with whom romantic feelings shouldn’t arise, and couldn’t arise.

He was aware that he had done something wrong. He should have drawn a line but couldn’t, and he should have widened the distance but grew closer. Knowing that acting this way would make him fall in love, he embraced him because he didn’t know how to push him away.

‘…Are you okay now?’

But Dohyun was simply worried. Worried something might happen, worried he might be sick, worried he might fall into depression alone. Even if someone called it arrogance, he was his only support.

From that day on, Dohyun noticed Wooyeon’s feelings growing day by day. After one day, his gaze changed, and after another day, his complexion changed. There was no one to put the brakes on him, so he clearly didn’t know how to stop.

Honestly, it wasn’t bad. No, he was even happy. He had become a special being, a unique and precious guide in life. It wasn’t the first time someone liked him, but he recklessly enjoyed the feelings Wooyeon gave him.

‘I like you, Teacher.’

But on the day Wooyeon confessed, Dohyun belatedly admitted his mistake. That the result of carelessly neglecting his feelings had ultimately become this responsibility.

And at the same time, he realized.

‘Yeon-ah.’

Perhaps it was Dohyun, not Wooyeon, who was caught in the blind affection. He knew Wooyeon had fallen without a choice, but he ignored it, intoxicated by the occasional sense of superiority. It was he himself who was truly being permeated, yet he arrogantly believed he was taming him in reverse.

‘Teacher is going to the military.’

Dohyun, at twenty, didn’t know how to avoid getting addicted to the sweet feeling he was experiencing for the first time. It wasn’t just a matter of romantic feelings; it was a sense of crisis that made his heart race. He was so intoxicated by raw affection that he was certain he wouldn’t be able to escape it soon.

‘…I’m sorry.’

He didn’t know if Wooyeon heard that apology or not. Dohyun quit tutoring, changed his number, and cut off contact. It was clearly avoidable, but he couldn’t think of any other solution. When he said, ‘I’ll stop now,’ Soohyang let Dohyun go without much comment.

All encounters are accompanied by indefinite partings. Relationships that last a lifetime, emotions guaranteed to be eternal. They were all futile things that could end at any moment.

Until then, Dohyun thought it was a permanent farewell.

Dawn rose beyond the window. The anger that had surged as if to burst also, at some point, became a faint light. Dohyun covered his eyes with one hand and blinked his stiff eyes a couple of times.

“Haa…”

Even though he had stayed up all night, his mind was perfectly clear. Having recalled Wooyeon’s retreating figure countless times, he had regained some composure. Although there was no contact from Soohyang, that wasn’t a very important factor.

Dohyun got up from the sofa and went into the bathroom. First, he planned to wash up and go to school early. He couldn’t go by car, so he had to walk lightly to clear his head. And if he waited in front of the classroom, perhaps he might meet Wooyeon.

‘You’re too late, Teacher.’

‘…’

Cold water poured from the showerhead. He was soaked from head to toe, but Dohyun stood blankly under the water. The pheromones that had been constantly fluctuating settled quietly to the floor.

From the moment he met Wooyeon until now, every moment was filled with regret. The past he knew but couldn’t change condemned Dohyun with every memory. The lies he built to cover up past mistakes grew larger as he tried to fill the hole in front of him.

Fact is, Dohyun wasn’t without excuses. If he wanted to, there were plenty of ways to persuade Wooyeon. There were more than enough means to get through this situation, just as he had always done.

But he didn’t think Wooyeon would trust him if he just got past this hurdle. The lingering resentment would eventually explode, and they would have another mountain to climb.

‘…I don’t even know why you like me.’

‘…’

‘I don’t know how long you’ll like me…’

He feared being liked, and Wooyeon keenly noticed it. The steps he had retreated, fearing abandonment, Wooyeon seemed to have interpreted as a difference in feelings. He must have thought Dohyun was the Alpha and he was the Omega.

‘Anyway, even if it’s not me, there are many people who like you…’

He knew what Wooyeon was worried about. That this relationship might be like a passing breeze, and that fact must have scared and intimidated him. That’s why he couldn’t muster the courage, and that’s why he shrank back. Not knowing what Dohyun felt when he said that.

‘You’re the only one I like.’

It wasn’t just empty words. If Dohyun was one to Wooyeon, then Wooyeon was the only one among many people to Dohyun. Having no choice versus having to choose. The fundamental difference was greater than Wooyeon felt.

“What on earth should I do…”

Dohyun bowed his head deeply and closed his eyes. Water droplets endlessly streamed down his wet hair. In front of his darkened eyes, the scene of Wooyeon walking away appeared again.

It wasn’t the first time he had seen that retreating figure yesterday. Just a few months ago, on the day of the freshman welcoming party, Dohyun had watched him leave.

It was a chillingly cold winter in February.

Dohyun, despite being a good student, wasn’t particularly diligent in his school life. He somehow ended up as the club president, but that wasn’t by his own will either. He might occasionally go for drinks, but he didn’t participate in departmental events.

‘Such a bother, coming and going…’

That day, he went to the freshman welcoming party simply because of Garam’s call. He would have ignored it usually, but he couldn’t pretend not to hear the earnest request to just show up for drinks. The argument that he, as the club president, should promote the club also had some merit.

Dohyun had only two things he hadn’t expected: the weather was colder than he thought, and he met someone he never expected to see there.

‘Ah.’

Normally, he wouldn’t have turned to look at a passerby. Even if the other person gasped or looked at him, it didn’t really concern Dohyun. Nevertheless, he deliberately turned his gaze because the pheromone that brushed his nose was extremely rare.

‘Oh…’

It was that rare dominant Omega. The fresh pheromone, like an unripe fruit, was incomparable to any Omega Dohyun had ever met. The face that stared at him was also captivating, not easily seen.

‘…Are you an Alpha?’

Dohyun felt a sense of déjà vu before realizing the strangeness of the question. And slowly blinking, he replied.

‘Yes.’

Their eyes…

‘I’m an Alpha.’

They look exactly the same.